12/21/2004

Almost All-Purpose

I've noticed many food and baking products have "All-Purpose" on the label. All-purpose flour, all-purpose baking powder, all purpose seasoning.

All-purpose? That just can't be. I'd venture to say their product serves very few purposes in my life. I don't use Mrs. Dash All-Purpose Seasoning to soothe my jock rash. And I'm not going to clean upholstry with all-purpose flour.

These all-purpose products aren't even for all purposes in the kitchen. How the hell do they know what I'm cooking? Does a TV dinner really require all-purpose, lightly seasoned olive oil?

Incidentally, I made mulled wine last night. It was a first for me, and a last, as the concoction didn't pack a very good buzz. Anyway, the recipe called for whole cloves. I went to Safeway to buy cloves: $8.19! Eight bucks and change! For spice. I can subscribe to the Spice Channel for less than that! And the cinnamon sticks were over 5 dollars. The spices cost more than the freakin' booze! I could have seasoned the wine with illicit narcotics more cheaply than that! Crank-n-Pot Mulled Wine.

They should mix all those spices together, put it in a jar and call it "All-Purpose Rip-off."

To hell with Big Oil and Big Tobacco. I say we lynch Big Spice. Round up all the executives and violate them with their own over-priced cinnamon sticks.

3 comments:

Jack Mercer said...

How about Big Nasal Spray! I got 1/2 an ounce for almost six bucks!

Veggie said...

Hear Hear! I still can't believe what I have to pay for fucking Saffron... growing my own flowers next year.

Ogre said...

Have you TRIED Mrs. Dash All-Purpose seasoning for the aforementioned purpose? Don't knock it till you try it...