12/10/2004

Car Fool Lanes

When I drive to work, I never get to use the car pool lane. That's fine with me. I'd rather be alone in one of the other lanes than with some guy riding shotgun and bending my ear off.

As long as we're reserving lanes for certain drivers, I'd like to see a lane for people who have something else to do while behind the wheel. I have a lot of things to do and I might as well do them while driving to work. I'm all about efficiency. You see, how many people you have in your car isn't a good determinate for which lane to use. How willing you are to risk your life is.

For example, last week I was trying to each lunch on I-10. I had a slice of pizza and a coke. I'm here to tell you it's hard to manoeuver around slower traffic with a slice and a coke in either hand. The other week I was eating cereal and I almost Cap'n Crunched the car in front of me. Anyway, back to the pizza. The car pool lane was out (although the soda cup I was using was big enough to pass for another person). I suddenly longed for a lane where me and all the other traffic diners could drive without having to deal with the stop-and-go of downtown traffic. Is that too much to ask?

Think of how many things you could attend to while driving: personal hygene, programming your cell phone, playing Nintendo DS, cleaning your gun -- all fine examples.

Also, how about a lane for Road Head? We need a lane like that. And sudden braking would be illegal while driving in this lane. If you rear-end somebody, you get the death penalty. Sounds harsh, but you'd have to be that strict. I know if my dong is in my wife's mouth, you better not be riding my damn bumper.

In conclusion, we need 3 special lanes: car pool, multi-tasking, and road head. And maybe a forth one for Nick Nolte and Glen Campbell.





3 comments:

Curtis said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog last night. Anyways, you have spoken words of truth my friend. I absolutely agree with you about the special lanes. And more than anything, I agree about the strict road head rules. I had an unfortunate incident once with an ex-girlfriend that involved going 70 mph down I-94, being cut off by some jackass, having to slam the brakes and swerve to another lane. The result of this was my girlfriend on the floor with my thang still attached to her teeth. AHHHHHHHHH!! Hang on, I need to get a tissue to wipe away those tears. Ok I am better. LOL. I now have implemented a "must keep your seatbelt on" rule to all road headers in my Cobra. Ha. Thanks again.

Miss Fabulous said...

Does the "Road Head" lane rules also apply when a woman is driving the car and a man is in the passenger seat?

Jack Mercer said...

Hey Pontif....check out http://pulpfriction.blogspot.com/

She's a hoot!