12/31/2004

I've reached my speed limit

I believe the law should guarantee every driver the right to the speed limit.

Let me explain. Let's say you're driving down Broadway, going the speed limit, minding your own business, when some blue-haired granny pulls out in front of you on her way to an early bird dinner. She determines that 29 miles per hour is a dandy speed for current conditions -- even though Broadway's limit is 45 mph. Lacking a passing lane, you grind your teeth, cuss, punch the dashboard and reach into the glove compartment for a firearm, until self-control gets the better of you. Then you just sulk. You and granny drive down Broadway in tandem, taking in the sights, driving at a speed a bit faster than granny's last bowel movement.

Finally, blue-hair reaches the Luby's Cafeteria and, after coming to a complete stop on Broadway, ventures to turn into the parking lot. You're free. But...

You've been cheated out of your right to the 45 mph limit! Here's my remedy: You get to drive faster than the speed limit -- as fast as you please -- until your AVERAGE speed increases to the statutory 45 mph.

Think how beautiful this could be. You'd never get pissed driving in traffic again. Road rage would cease to exist, because every dipshit on the road would give you liberty to drive like the maniac you truly are.

9 comments:

Latigo Flint said...

Yeah but with your luck you'd be driving down Broadway doing the limit 45 'cause you don't have any extra speed credit that day and then up would come roaring a maniac doing 85. You'd stare warily into your r.v. mirror as you speed up slightly and then wham - you get pulled over for a nice hefty ticket. (Cop waves politely to psycho-boy as he screeches off down the road.)

Jack Mercer said...

Latigo sounds like a bit of a wimpy liberal to me...

Julie said...

Pure Brilliance!

Latigo Flint said...

Outrage!

Kristy said...

This Liberal thinks that Bug's Butt is on to something... =)

Veggie said...

This is great.

The best comment I ever made whilst in the mid of a road rage moment:

"This son of a bitch drives like old people f*ck... slow and jerky!"

Husb laughed for a week on that one. LOL

Toni said...

I feel your pain about said old lady, Bug's Butt. I feel your pain.

Happy New Year!

Jack Mercer said...

Lightning Bug...not sure if this will inspire a new post on your part, but I just wanted to consult you on your thoughts of the "blog". I have been reading a few, and I read comments like "I haven't 'blogged in a couple days..." and "its been some time since I've blogged", etc. Are there "regular" and "irregular" bloggers? Is blogging kind of like a BM? Any thoughts would be appreciated--especially from the Bug's Butt...

Anonymous said...

It's a nice idea, but it seems like too much math. If I'm driving for 23 minutes for 29 miles per hour, at what speed would I have to drive and for how long to make up for not being able to drive for 45 miles per hour earlier.