12/10/2004

Little cuss in a school bus

When I was a kid, I used to enjoy riding the bus home from school. Who wants to go straight home after 7 grueling hours at school? I'd rather spend 50 minutes packed in a diesel-fumed hot box dodging wads of gum and bullies twice my size.

Actually it wasn't that bad. If you were lucky, you got that seat above the wheel well. Just prop your feet on the hump and you've got yourself a diesel-powered foot massager.

They'd pack us in good and tight, 3 per seat. We'd all bounce around like popcorn balls. It would be a nice, hot spring afternoon, with the sun beating on the bus. 85 degrees. And all the windows would be cracked down about 1 micrometer -- Polish air-conditioning. That's what the driver called it. I swear to God. These were the days before political correctness. She wasn't racist, though. Although she did insist that all "polacks" sit in the back of the bus. And the retards.

They herded us like cattle in those buses. If we wanted fresh air, we'd have to stick our snouts out the 1 micrometer breating hole windows like you see horses do when they ride down the highway in those trailers. And we had no seatbelts. In an emergency, you had to employ your backpack as a makeshift airbag. The problem was, if you put the pack pencil-side outward, you became a dangerous projectile. So in a major collision, the polacks and retards would have the last laugh.

You never got a good look at the bus driver's face. Did you ever notice that? I think it's because the majority of them feared being recognized.

I always wonder how the driver exited the bus at the end of the day. Who opens the door for her? How does she operate that little door-opener lever thingy? And how did she lock up afterward? I'd like to see her pull that trick off. That device can severe a limb if trifled with. The driver told us kids that.

About once per week some kid would puke in the bus. You could hardly blame the poor little cuss, what with all the bouncing around. The driver seemed to take it personally, as if the child was registering a complaint against her driving. Sorry lady. Puke happens.

I hope you all enjoyed this trip down memory lane. Feel free to share you school bus experiences.


3 comments:

gaeria84 said...

Buses = instruments of torture? LOL. I never really thought of that.

Anonymous said...

I think some of the worst things about buses are the smells. When someone pukes. When someone steps in dog shit. Straight after sport, on a forty degree day, when everyone is sliding around on the sweaty seats and sticking to each other.

School bus experiences.. A couple of years ago, I developed a friendship with one of my bus drivers. He was in his late thirties and his name was Jay. He was the nicest guy. He told me about how his high school girlfriend, who he hadn't seen in 20 years, hired a private detective to find him. We talked about love, and soul mates, and everything. In the end, he went to Queensland to try and make it work with the girl. I wonder how it all turned out..


Donna (babydoll01)
www.ebloggy.com/babydoll01

Jack Mercer said...

Hi Pontif! The only time I remember riding the bus was in Australia. I lived in the outback and the bus was probably 40 years old. The driver was named Mr. Smallwood, and he took crap from no one. I remember one of the Madden kids was dropped off about 10 miles from his home in the middle of no where for beating up on another kid. Then there was the chick with the hairy legs and pits that liked my brother...

Memory lane on my bus trip was on dirt roads...