12/29/2004

Nothing beats 4 great pairs of legs

You know what species must really be pissed? Lobsters. I know I'd be pissed if I were one of those poor fellas. Think about it. If you live on land, you want legs. If you live in the sea, you want fins. God miracled lobsters into the ocean but still gave them legs. Sure, He tried to make it up to them by giving them 4 sets of legs, but it's still a raw deal. They still have to walk through water. Jesus got to walk on water.

If you're a seafood lover, you know that lobsters are a very expensive item. Why is that? They're the easiest creature in the whole sea to catch. They can't swim away. They have to walk! How hard can it be to catch like a million lobsters? You figure a couple drunk Texas fisherman could supply the whole world with lobsters using a makeshift net and a winch. They should be giving lobsters away.

Here's something else lobsters should be pissed about. Everybody eats them despite how ugly they are. Lobsters must be beside themselves about the whole thing.
"Why on earth would you want to take a bite out of me? Look at me. I'm an amphibious cockroach. What's wrong with you? You'd probably have sex with a coral if nobody was looking. Go stick your dong in the Great Barrier Reef, you freak. Hey, leave me and my tail alone. Don't bother killing me before you toss me in that boiling water. I'd rather spend my last few minutes flailing in tap water hell. Thanks, Caligula."
Then lobsters got the ultimate slap in the face when that movie, The Little Mermaid, portrayed the lobster as a Frenchman. Lobsters everywhere were saying, "Geez. I know I'm the cockroach of the sea, but I'm no Frenchman. Do you see any of us running into the net?"

I know lobsters can't talk. But still, they ought to be pissed.

Just imagine how starfish must feel. They can't even walk. They have to find a place to attach their suction cups and hang on for dear life -- like Tom Arnold did to Rosanne for the last two decades. They shouldn't call them starfish. It's not a fish if it can't swim. They should call them starcrabs. I wonder how their legs taste.

4 comments:

.M i k a l a h. said...

hey! thanks for the comment on my blog. This entry is very creative! ive never thought about lobsters like that before..:P

.M i k a l a h. said...

haha, well do u know what i love about the "blogosphere"..the creative ppl that can come up with posting about lobsters! i love it! it makes my day!:)

Toni said...

Um actually, the "lobster" in the Little Mermaid movie spoke with a Jamaican accent, not a French accent. You thinking of the French chef who tried to eat him. Also, it wasn't a lobster- it was a crab :)

Peach Flambée said...

Lobster used to be the food of the po' folk.