1/04/2005

A'hunting we will show

If you're like me, you've become frustrated with hunting shows on television.

Why? Not enough action. I don't want to spend an hour watching two camouflaged guys oil their guns and wax poetic on the crispness of the air and the changing of the leaves. I tune in for the kill. If I'm looking for a show on nature, I'll click over to The Playboy Channel.

I want to see an animal die via the proficient use of a deadly weapon -- and I don't want to wait for it. What good is a show where you wait all day for some poor buck to wander into the crosshair sighting? Even then, you only see one or two killings. So here's my idea. Put a camera in a slaughterhouse. We've got millions of animal killings every day going to waste. There's good, clean broadcast fodder in those slaughterhouses: jugular sticks, severed heads, leathal injection, etc. You could create a brand new cable network: The Slaughterhouse Channel. Say goodbye, Bossy. In 5 minutes, Cletus will be wrapping your innards in butcher paper.

One hour of programming on The Slaughterhouse Channel would feature more killing than all the hunting shows ever produced. And think of the sponsors: McDonalds, the Outback, Texas T-Bone, Osmand's Leather Goods. This is a million-dollar idea, folks.

6 comments:

Latigo Flint said...

YES by golly, yes!!! We'd finally get to see a bolt gun in action. There's not much range on those suckers but they're supposed to be quite magnificent if your enemy happens to be 2 to 4 inches away.

Toni said...

Have you heard of the website that allows you to hunt from your computer? There's these web cameras with rifles attached to them. From your computer, you control the camera to zoom in on a target. Once you find something to shoot at, you type in some command (I guess?) and BLAM! There goes that deer's head.

Wyatt Junker said...

The Abbaitor Channel. Good shit.

The Abortion Channel. Even better.

The Chair Channel. The best.

But, I'm feeling kind today. I'll settle for just Rodney King reruns. I like to eat Funyuns and watch CWAJGA(can't we all just get along) get his ass handed to him on the end of a billy club.

And that boy can breakdance! Just watch as the taser gun puts a bad boogie in his yeehaw step. Dude can cut a rug! Its better than spaghetti westerns were the Mexican with bullets criss-crossin' his chest says 'dance' to the town preacher while he clips at his ankles with an S&W. The taser has more rhythm.

Jack Mercer said...

Ok, Bug, I bet you ffwd through 80% of a skin flick too...admit it! ha!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You got me, JM!

Blog ho said...

haha. very nice. fucking animals. we should strap dynamite to them all. except dogs. they're ok. and ... eagles.