Caller I.D.

I'm tired of this whole caller I.D., private caller stuff. Particularly these people who you call and their phone won't let your call through until you dial *86, or #873, or 888-pain-in-the-ass, name, rank and serial number or whatever you have to press to penetrate the person's phone. I need a Ph.D. in number theory to call my mother since she waged war against tele-marketers by activating the no-private-caller feature. Look, I'm not a private caller. If I were protecting my privacy, I woulndn't be calling you. I'd be playing checkers in a suburban fortress in an undiscloesd location with J.D. Salinger and Dick Cheney.

Here's the thing. I know only about 4 people on the whole planet who are worth pressing even seven numbers to talk to. Nobody is worth 10 digits. I don't think I'd call the President if I had to memorize and dial 10 numbers. Maybe I'll just send him an email detailing my ideas on foreign policy. My limit is 7 numbers. Some of you may be asking, "well then, how do you make long distance calls?" I don't. Fuck'em. Let them move back into town if they want to hear from me.

Besides, I have enough numbers committed to memory. I've got PIN numbers, account numbers, social security, my lock combination to my secret stash of Hustler, the PG-13 version. I don't have any more room for de-activation codes.


Punkin said...

PG-13 version of Hustler? Is that like soft-core porn, where they don't penetration?

citygurl said...

I hear you on the calling thing, seriously. And now since nyc changed over to ten-digit-dialing I never call anyone. EVER.

I still remember my locker combination from high school. I don't really know what to do with all this useless information.