1/28/2005

LBB's Job Search Translator

Those of you perusing the want-ads will encounter the usual employment jargon. I've compiled a cross-reference to help you decipher the ads quickly and accurately. Feel free to print this list and keep it handy during your job search. Good luck and enjoy.

LBB's Job Search Translator:

"challenging" = aggravating

"fast-paced" = chaotic

"busy" = outrageously busy, no lunch break -- ever

"great attitude" = selfless whipping mule

"computer tech" = phone operator at a help desk

"customer service" = verbal punching bag

"great benefits" = lousy pay

"exciting atmosphere" = lousier pay

"opportunity for advancement" = for the boss's nephew while you bust ass

"must have college degree" = but willing to accept high school diploma wages

"entry-level" = minimum wage

"salary+commission" = mostly commission

"temp-to-hire" = you'll do until we find somebody we like

"fast-growing company" = on the verge of bankruptcy

"looking for key people" = looking for a pulse; sales job

"will train right person" = must have pulse; sales job

"some college preferred" = drop-outs welcome

"Equal-Opportunity Employer" = we've been sued in the past

"Must pass drug-test" = must stop smoking pot for 2 weeks prior to start date

"fax resume" = we filled the position internally 2 weeks ago but we have to post job for legal reasons.

"some weekends" = most weekends

"some overtime" = A lot of overtime -- and this position is salary-exempt


9 comments:

Molicious said...

That is just too true. And very helpful. Thank you.

Veggie said...

*whew* thank God I came across this before my job interview on Thursday... to think I could have gotten suckered in again! Ha!

Blog ho said...

this scares me into keeping my regular job.

Nettie said...

Does busy at least get bathroom breaks?

Toni said...

Maybe I should print this out...my boyfriend is looking for escape his current job. He fell into a lot of these traps, but with this list, now he'll be well armed.

8ZERO8 said...

This was the funniest post I've seen anywhere all week.

Quixotic Cat said...

Hey! I worked for that company! ^..^

Sharon said...

Indeed, I agree with 8ZERO8: very witty. Also, I laugh because I know you speak true.

Mike R. said...

Great post. You are right on. Especially "opportunities for advancement". I would add that opportunity comes when, and only when, every other person on earth has either retired or deemed the job below them.