My Dirty Haiku

My personal contribution to the collective works of haiku. Enjoy!

See her body move
The boobs and buttocks gyrate
Five dollar lap dance.

The buttocks orate
Is it a word that's spoken?
No, it's just a fart.

My bean bag itches
Adjust my balls discretly
Scratch the fuzzy sack.

My hemorrhoid pulsates
As flames engulf my rectum

She presents herself
Dressed in trashy lingere
She is not a whore.

My wife won't fuck me
Not even on my birthday
Why did I marry?

Two gay guys kissing
As they frolic on the beach
Onlookers vomit.

We kiss at sunset
My hand moves up her dress
I find no panties.

I pursue my love
She thwarts all my advances
Restraining order.

She gives a blowjob
She says she will not swallow
Bust one on her face.

We start making love
I have no prophylactic
I pull out early.

Cut off in traffic
My road rage flares inside me
Honey, where's my gun?

Sexing in the car
The cops come and arrest me
But she looked eighteen.

Why do I love her
Her laugh, her Strength, her Beauty
And her perfect ass.

Ugly barfly flirts
Drink a dozen longneck beers
She is pretty now.

She gives oral sex.
Now she seeks the same from me
Time for me to go.

My date won't put out
I feel I have sex coming
I bought surf and turf.

I rise at daybreak
A morning stiffy plagues me
I can't take a leak.

She's smart and pretty
But I heard she won't put out
So why waste my time?

Three-ways are the best
One chick sits upon my face
Her friend rides my cock.

Floating through the air
Having lept from her window
Husband's home early.

Elements of love
A kiss, a touch, a whisper
Perchance a handjob.

Finger-bang the chick
Tactically position thumb
so it taps her clit.

I'm about to come
Should I await her climax
Oops! Maybe next time.

Measuring my dick
Round up to the nearest inch
Then I add two more.

My dick has frostbite
Pissing in the winter air
Shitter's on the fritz.

Pain, wincing, red-faced
Anguish with each movement
Dick caught in zipper.

Delight bring the winds
As they lift a lady's dress
Ah, thong underwear.

The first -- smart, pretty
The second, promiscuous
I'll take number 2.

Darling, I love you
Why can't you have a body
More like your sister?

Thrust, recover, thrust
And then withdrawl completely
Coat her abs with come.

My airbrushed porn queen
Thank you for redefining
My ideal woman.


You've Got What I Need... said...

Dear Lord! Oh, the epic Haiku doesn't get the respect it deserves.
p.s my sister is a pharmacist... good times yo.

Toni said...

Wow....just wow.

Shakespeare, look out! We've got a new poet on our hands!

Julie said...

It seems there is a theme there, but I'm just not getting it... is it about the weather or sports.. just can't pick up on it....

I see a pulitzer in your future!! :)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

The theme, you ask? World Peace. World Peace.

Blog ho said...

I was moved. World piece, perhaps?

Latigo Flint said...


(Hail lightning bug's butt
His haikus made me quite stiff
Does that mean I'm gay?)

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Gay? No. But you have a fine taste in poetry. Ghastly rubes are given to confuse the two.

Jack Mercer said...


Veggie said...


Why did I marry?


Love the body of your sister one too... ha!