Poetry fans?

If you liked the haikus, you love my limericks. If you have the stomach for it.

There once was a gal from Belize
Whom most men regarded a sleaze
Her crotch was so rank
When she spread'em she stank
But much worse than the smell were the fleas.

There once was a man from St. Croix
Who insisted he wasn't a boy
He tucked his big dick
Around back then he'd stick
What had reached in his ass to enjoy.

There once was a lady from Turkey
Whose double-d breasts were so perky
Their milk was so sweet
But if you like meat
Try her pussy. It tastes like beef jerky

There once was a man from Des Moines
For whom currency tickled his loins
He wrapped dollar bills
'Round his johnson for thrills
And he filled up his rectum with coins

There once was a girl from St. Paul
Whose pussy was three times too small
The men found it tight
And pushed with their might
To bury their dicks to the balls

There once was a man from Beijing
Who from time to time fondled his thing
He thought "What the hell?
I'll fasten a bell
'Round my balls. When I'm horny I'll ring

There once was a gal from Iran
Much too prudish to tempt a young man
She drank a few beers
Placed her feet behind ears
Now the fellas come fast as they can

There once was a man from Kentucky
Who picked up a fox. He'd been lucky
But oh my, what a mess
When he lifted her dress
He found out she's a cowboy named Bucky

There once was a man from New York
Who enjoyed anal sex with a cork
It was quite a good fuck
And when it got stuck
He would pry the thing out with a fork

There once was a gal from Iraq
Who wore hip-huggers showing her crack
Men followed along
Catching peeps of her thong
And blew their loads onto her back

Once a man hailing from Dallas
Liked to beat off his cock with great malice
The technique that he used
Left his testicles bruised
And the shaft of his johnson all callous


Julie said...

I'm at a loss for words... LOL.. but I will say you definately have a LOT of creativity!!!

You've Got What I Need... said...

There once was a Lightning Bug's Butt,
who wrote lots of lovely smut.
His skillz were so sharp,
That he topped his own chart,
And kept all the shizzley folk coming.

(back for more that is...)

Andrew said...

There once was a lad from brighton
who said that his wife was a tight-one.
She said 'Oh hun,
you're in the wrong one.
Theres plenty of room in the right one.'

Toni said...

Once again you've struck me dumb with your flair for the crude.

Brilliant! *claps*

Anonymous said...

These make me want to travel. Funny stuff.


Blog ho said...

My only disappointment was you didn't use phallus to rhyme callous.

I had a professor who was in an anthology of lymerics. I think you should publish these bad boys.

Jack Mercer said...

laughed till i wet myself...gotta go change...

Veggie said...

Oh Bloody HELL those were good! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I think I like the St. Paul one the best.... LOL

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I see I'm not the only poet in Blogosphere.

Phallus and callous. Damn! I wish I would have thought of that!

.M i k a l a h. said...

haaaaaa oh myyyy you are quite the character!:P

J. said...

Not exactly a limerick, but I think you'll appreciate it.

This is the ballad of Joe McClock
The only man born with a corkscrew cock.
He spent his life in a fatal hunt
for the only girl born with a corkcrew cunt.

He found the girl and then fell dead,
for her corkscrew cunt
hand a left-hand thread.

Useful Idiots said...

There was a young man from St.Paul
Who had a triangular ball
The square of its weight
Times the penis plus eight
Equaled sixth eights of sweet fuck all