If I hear one more rock star tell ME not to drive drunk, I'm going to start listening to country music. It'll hurt me, but it will hurt them, too.

These rock stars have balls. Don't they? They drink more booze than anybody else on the planet. The only reason they don't drive drunk is because they pass out before they can find their keys. And of course, until they blow their fortunes on cocaine, they can afford chauffeurs.

I don't want to sound crass, but when a demographic of people prone to choking on their own vomit tells me not to drive drunk, it comes off a bit insincere. Before you remind me that they're not DRIVING while their choking on booze vomit, I'll remind you that they find these guys in their cars -- or their airplanes.

Rock stars do everything while drunk: drive, perform, fly, fuck, operate heavy machinery, clean their firearms (shoutout to Phil Spector; congrats, brah!). Hell, half of them are probably shitfaced while recording those RADD commercials. I heard Joe cocker on the radio today reminding me not to drive drunk and from the way he talked, I'll bet he would have blown a 2.0. Joe Cocker! You can get drunk just breathing the same air as he does. Balls!

And later today, I heard Paul McCartney warn not to drive drunk. This from a guy who smuggled ganja through an airport in his kid's diapers. Sure. You shouldn't drive drunk. But there's no problem blazing up a fatty and cruising all the way to Strawberry Fields.

What's next? How about the Girl Scouts of America lecturing me on the risks of too many cookies in one's diet? Post Office workers giving anger management seminars? The girls from Sex and the City preaching abstinence?

I need a drink. And a nice, long drive to clear my head.


Toni said...

Could be worse. Donald Trump could be doing commercials for the Hair Club for Men, even though it's clear that he ain't the President OR a client.

Lizabeth said...

Great point! Enjoy that drink, and hey don't forget to buckle up.

Sharon said...

Oh how true! Love it.
As usual, you have made me laugh out loud.

darthmoridin said...

LBB strikes again. Don't forget Corey Feldman: he used to do blow backstage at his anti-drug talks to calm his nerves.

And I always thought that the Sex in the City ho's would be like, "STD? No, I only take the subway. Buses are for the little people."

Molicious said...


Veggie said...

Another momentus post of truth from the Bug's Butt.... ha! Preach on Brother, Preach On! :)

Blog ho said...

They're old, man. They have given up drinking. Traded it for tea. You need to switch to young rockers, not country.