1/17/2005

Random musings

  • When you hear someone say "with all do respect..." they're about to say something disrespectful.
  • We could disarm 90% of the world's dictators more effectively with Rogaine, Viagra and elevator shoes than with military action. You have to get to the root causes of violence. I've seen these guys on CNN. I can tell you it's becaues they're short, bald and flaccid.
  • The only time I want to feel invisible is in the eyes of a government agency.
  • Have you tried counting to 10 when you get angry? It doesn't work. The only thing that helps me is counting the number of bullets in the magazine.
  • Do you think the Smashing Pumpkins sell more albums during Halloween?
  • I swear to God I'm an atheist. Jesus! Do I hate religious people.
  • Do you think the guy who invented the french kiss and the guy who invented "tea-bagging" knew each other?
  • I think rap artists should have to use "the N-word" like the rest of us.
  • With every task comes the opportunity to discover how incompetent you are.
  • Why does a cement truck only need 6 wheels, but a semi full of party favors needs 18?
  • I keep forgetting to thank my mom and dad for that circumcision they arranged for me back in 1971. Thanks guys!
  • Last week I checked into a Days Inn hotel. At night I had to sleep in the street.
  • The human body has a lot of useless parts (spleen, gall bladder, appendix, etc.). You don't need them, and when they go on the fritz, you have big problems. In that sense, our bodies are like a Kia sedan with the racing package.

9 comments:

You've Got What I Need... said...

just like "excuse me?" means "get the hell out of my way!"-- I always get that one confused.

Rachel said...

Did you know that embargo spelled backwards is "o grab me"?
;)

Molicious said...

I had a Kia sedan. We now call it Killed In Accident in my household. Oh and when people say "No offense" it means they've totally just insulted you and pissed you off.

darthmoridin said...

Number 2 is one of the truest things ever said.

.M i k a l a h. said...

haa! great post!:)

Misty said...

What a GREAT Post!!!!!!! :-)

Teaspoon said...

What are you talking about the apendix has a huge purpose, it is meant to be taken out in a simple but expensive procedure which help doctors pay for their greens fee.

Without appendixes some doctors might have to actually *gasp* play golf at a community golf course.

Also appendixes make great mantle piece conversation starters - "Yeah that was my appendix I was 2 minutes away from having it burst like a rotten ..."

Jack Mercer said...

I love humanity, its just people I hate...

Julie said...

Why do they call it mellow yellow if there is nothing mellow about it?
Why do they call it root beer if there is no beer in it?
Does red hair taste like cherries?

Help, help me find these answers!