1/21/2005

Warning: Don't pop these pills if you're a drunkard

I like the warning label on pain-relievers that read, "If you drink more than 3 alcoholic beverages every day, consult a physician before using this product." After I'm done counting all the ways this message is dumb, I'll comment on it.

O.K. First of all, 3 or more drinks a day? Who are these pills for, David Crosby? Because he's got something stronger than OTC. I assure you.

Personally, I already lied to my physician about my drinking when I filled out that new-patient paperwork and it asked me about how much I drink. I'm not coming clean with him just to pop a couple of Advil.

If you're downing 3 or more drinks every day, you're quite done woring about what your physician has to say, anyway. And with all that daily drinking, you've got bigger problems than a headache. It's obvious you're not taking the pills for a headache, as you have to actually sober up to develop a hangover -- and the accompanying headache. That's a good remedy for a hangover: don't stop drinking. I digress.

Anyway, the waring label should read, "If you drink more than 3 drinks everyday, pop all the pills you want of this or any other medication. It's too late to worry about a little liver damage anyway. Just don't go for a drive. Hallucinations may or may not be a side-effect of this medication, depending on how many margaritas you pounded before taking this product."

8 comments:

Gil The Carnie said...

I’m a smoker, drinker and frequent aspirin user ands I’ll tell ya’, the warning labels on each o’ these items is like the cartoon ya’ find in a pack of Bazooka Joe Gum. Nostalgically funny and easily forgettable. I’ma gonna’ die soon aren’t I.

Nettie said...

What about operating heavy machinery?

Useful Idiots said...

the hell with pills stick with the beer and booze no medical warnings on that stuff unless its printed inside the bottle at the bottom.

8ZERO8 said...

3 drinks a day? I have three drinks before work ... and at lunch ... and between lunsh and dinner ... and then again before dinner ... yes, three more at dinner, which consists of two pieces of burnt toast ... a "dessert drink" ... when I get home ... before bed ... three more when I wake up in the middle of the night ... and a 3-martini breakfast.

Wyatt Junker said...

If only the doc's would have prescribed Nicolas Cage's character in LLV an upper, or something peppy, he wouldn't have ever made that hilarious frat boy comdey of a movie in the first place and would still be tap dancing to this day, carefree, aloof and with a renewed bubbly personality.

Misty said...

Hey Lightening!

Ah...so true. Ithink sometimes there are so many side effects that it isn't worth taking it in the first place. Have a stiff vodka and oj(for the vita C) and call me in the am. :-)

Julie said...

Why bother w/ tylenol unless it's got a number w/ it,,, like tylenol 3! They make vicaprophen too w/ hydocodone and advil....

don't be pansy, use advil and tylenol as gateway drugs! That's what they really are after... when that headache won't go away,,, you have to go heavier! LOL

Anonymous said...

I was doing a search for vicaprophen, which I use to take for a messed up leg, I never laughed so loud
when reading these postings..easilly amused I guess,
anyway...when I was able to get the stuff
from my "Dr. Feelgood" I never took it without
a good stiff martini...how esle was I to get it down!!!