2/01/2005

I'm positive that positive thinking doesn't work

The positive-thinker types remind us to focus on the things we do have, not what we don't have. I believe this is poor counsel. What if you have a case of the clap? Or a really bad head cold? What if you have a nagging wife who makes Rosanne Barr look agreeable?

On the other hand, sometimes it's good to focus on what you don't have. Right now, I don't have an appendage caught in a piece of heavy machinery. I'm pretty damn happy about that. In fact, I can cheer myself up just by reminding myself of that fact. Plus, I don't have the clap. Now I'm grinning ear to ear!

These are the same people who tell you that a sense of humor is the most important thing. This is only patially true. If you're rich, you don't need a sense of humor at all. You can afford to take life as seriously as you please. You can pay somebody else to do your laughing for you! Working-class people are the ones who need a sense of humor, especially on payday. You want proof working class people have a sense of humor? Look who they vote for.

And these same people, the positive-thinker types, stress the importance of smiling. "Remeber to smile. It makes everything seem better." This is a canard. Sometimes, especially with women, the bigger the smile, the bigger the thought of "I hate you" hiding behind it. What is a smile, after all, but the bearing of teeth?

So much for positive thinking.

13 comments:

Useful Idiots said...

you are becoming positively philosophical ,Bug

You've Got What I Need... said...

yup. you've crossed over. You are now a buddha. show me the path. Homage to Him, the Exalted, the Worthy, the Fully Enlightened One.

bullish1974 said...

OMG rosanne barr. where is she? i miss her.

Nettie said...

If you had a bad head cold, maybe laughing would make it hurt more. But on the other hand, if you had a wife like Roseanne, maybe laughing at her would make her shut up. Hey, it's possible.

nongirlfriend said...

I've decided that I love you.

Excellent post!

Lizabeth said...

Gotta say, the smile I get reading your post is well the biggest of my day (blushing).

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Those are the same people that tell their children that there are children starving in Africa so EAT THOSE DAMN GREEN BEANS OR NO DESSERT.

Wyatt Junker said...

Beware the smilers.

They are hucksters of the sinister.

If a smiler comes toward you, with their big fucking blinding Hillary Swank or Julia Roberts teeth, teeth as big as refridgerators, remember to grab your wallet with your right hand and your dick with your left.

They are from the Nation of Ulterior Motives. And they've got their reasons for proselytizing as ambassador shills for Bobby McFerrin who doesn't really want you to not worry and be happy. He wants to plant doubt, foist a wedge and implant fear.

citygurl said...

so guys know about the big forced smile thing means 'get the hell out of my face'? shoot.

Rachel said...

Speak on oh wise one!

And I am positive damnit! Positive that positive thinking sucks.

nongirlfriend said...

Chickens don't have teeth. May I bare my beak???

Gil The Carnie said...

Ma' positive thinkin' involves a big stick.

Peach Flambée said...

An optimist will be constantly disappointed, but a pessimist can be pleasantly surprised once in a while.