2/15/2005

Tilling the soil

I've been trying to flush the potty humor on this blog, but I've got a fart stuck crosswise and I need to talk about this crap because it pisses me off.

I don't like the expression "soiling oneself." It's a euphemism we use to describe defecating one's person. To put it delicately, I'm refering to an act of shitting one's shorts.

Soiling oneself is a rare thing, indeed. In fact, unless you've eaten a wheelbarrow of dirt, it's physically impossible to soil yourself. Sorry Grampa. You didn't soil yourself. You've shit your shorts. However, you did soil my day. Congratulations. I'm sure there's more where that came from.

"I apologize for the odor. I seem to have soiled myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to plant rudabagas in my boxer shorts. With a mulch like this, these babies are going to win an award."

There. I've purged the final turd of potty humor from bowels of my mind. If I crap out any more of this feces, please piss in my ear.

Milk, milk, lemonade. 'Round back is where the fudge is made.

Damn!

11 comments:

Julie said...

So, we look like what you thought we would? you have to expand on that one..... me a southern free spirit belle and he a uptight fundamentalist? LOL - he is younger than me btw by three and half years. he just acts much older. he's into all that fear, guilt and damation stuff that ages you terribly.

nongirlfriend said...

Please don't stop the shit humor. It's what I live for.

Saucy Monk said...

how about "i've painted my underoos"? Or "bowelled out"?

these work for ya?

The Cure said...

Have you ever heard the one...
Excuse me I've got to go stock a pond with corn-eyed trout.
Metaphores for useing the Jon are also like "soiling oneself'. They are a complete load of crap and unecessary.

Konservative Jay said...

So funny I soiled myself...

Molicious said...

I prefer to say "I SHITE myself". Sounds much more sophisticated, no?

BM, The Necessary Movement said...

I have shat myself before!! its no fun but I had to do what I had to do. I shat once in a bush in fall, meing it wasn't full. It was on a main street and families were walking by and saw me squating like a dog!!! A very long dirty story!!!

Thanx for the snaps!!! : )

Lizabeth said...

"Excuse me I've got to go stock a pond with corn-eyed trout." LMAO

How about- "Dropping the kids off at the pool"
There's another version, but I don't want to offend anyone.

T said...

just stumbled across your blog and this was the first post i read...haha...i have to say i love potty humour...keep it coming!

Kilroy Trout said...

Bug you're just being fecetious as usual.

sCruuw said...

Why does everyone suddenly want to stop talking poop? Is everyone's ass in a permanant pucker? Let it go before ya'll explode! Let the dirty bombs drop damn it!