3/01/2005

Adult diapers: the latest fashion

I'm tired of the adult diaper industry trying to make their diapers fashionable. I don't care how you make them, however sleek, form-fitting, high-speed, low-drag, whatever, a diaper will throw a wrench in your fashion ensemble, if not because of the wad of plastic foam underneath your Spandex, then surely because of the weapons-grade odor emitting from the Hamburger Helper turd-bomb you dropped after lunch. "They can't even tell I'm wearing one." Oh, yes we can lady. We're downwind.

Look, there's nothing wrong with wearing diapers. We've all done it as babies. And we'll all get back there again, eventually. But your days of fashion are regretably over. They left along with your teeth, hair, vision, hearing, driving skills, mobility, and your sense of dignity.

Maybe you can make diapers fashionable. But not by hiding them. If diaper companies want to move some product, why not make them a novelty? Have the diaper double as casualwear. How about a sleek cut with a big Nike Swoosh across the ass? Or, your favorite team's sports logo. Polka-dots, pin-stripes, neutrals and pastels, something for every season. In wintertime they could sell them with a little fur lining. And of course you can imprint them with those slogans you see on tee-shirts: "No Fear." "No Points for Second Place." "Deez Nutz" "Lead, Follow or Get out of the Way" Here's a couple of my own: "A turd in the Hand Is Worth Two in the Shorts," "Grampa's not the only one full of shit"

Laugh. Have some fun. Be proud. Just don't forget to change the thing after your early bird dinner.

14 comments:

nongirlfriend said...

No fur lining.

That would be non-PC and oh-so-very-messy.

I like the sayings on the diapers, though. When I go to buy some, that's what I'll look for.

Molicious said...

Have you seen the shorts and workout pants with the word JUICY written across the back of them? That might also work.

Anonymous said...

I want mine to say "If you ain't lead dog, the view never changes" or "second place is the first loser".....haha....and I have to agree on the fur...very messy and just icky....Sharkmeat out! :)

sCruuw said...

ok... I just happen to be on your blog as I watch Michael Jackson march his skinny white ass into court... Here are my thoughts on that armband he wears...I think it is a symbol to the kids he has molested... to keep their mouths shut...instead of a ring...it's a squeeze up around the arm.... A mean squeeze! Like a choke hold!

Ok, the diapers...nasty in all forms! Can you imagine a bunch of old fucks swimming in them! the diaper bulgeing full of water sagging down their wrinkly asses! EWWW!!!!!

Nölff said...

That makes a great excuse for me to shit in my pants. I would never have to get off of the couch.

Mere Existence said...

I think the real trick is to not wear a diaper at all. Why be ashamed... shit yourself, let the urine leak through, let the shit slide down your leg and out onto your shoes. Have a little fucking pride in yourself.

Lizabeth said...

I think they would be nice in a traffic jam. What if you finished off that whole bottle of water/cup of coffee/tea before you left work. When your sitting solid in the middle of a thousand cars, its not like you can squat by your tire. It would be nice to just let it go.

I like the wifes Juicy idea.

Blog ho said...

*note to self...diapers, cool now*

aughra said...

How about - 'If you can read this, the bitch fell off'? Huh? Huh?

Useful Idiots said...

when did ya start wearin diapers eh ?????

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

SNL had a skit about a adult diaper called "Ooops I crapped my pants." It was so funny I crapped my pants.

bullish1974 said...

do not doubt the power of the fashionable diaper.

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

TINKLEPANTS!

Nettie said...

And for the men, adult diaper swim trunks!