3/29/2005

Behold the Virgin Mary

How come every time the human form appears in an everyday item such as a potato chip, a cheese sandwich, or a rock formation, we assume it's the likeness of a Biblical figure?

I read a news story where the Virgin Mary appeared in a grilled cheese sandwich, and was recently sold on eBay for $12,000!

May I suggest that if the Virgin Mary visited the planet, she'd have better places to hang out than inside a brick of Velveeta?

Have you seen these images? Sure, this latest one looks vaguely like a woman, but why the Virgin Mary? Couldn't it be somebody a bit more earthly, like Ann B. Davis from the Brady Bunch?

In 1983, I ate a Lays Potato Chip that bore a striking resemblence to my 7th grade music teacher. I didn't think much of it at the time. Now I wonder if it wasn't worth a few bucks. The image in the chip was, after all, topless.

I have all the respect in the world for religious people and would never condescend to these fine Americans. But don't pin your faith to a scorch mark on a tortilla!

God bless his soul; the Pope is on the short list for the Big Sleep. And when he goes, we're going to "discover" his image in a variety of food products. Mark my words. I see him as a potato salad man. His skin has a similar complexion and consistency. Hey, that would make a great product: "Pontiff Potato Salad -- a little bit of Pope in every bowl." Keep a sharp eye for him at picnics. And if you do find him, don't let him go over in the heat.

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