3/03/2005

Bumper sticker mentality

Bumper stickers and the self-centered jerks who plaster them to the back of their cars bother me. Do these people really believe that when I'm driving behind them, I'm wondering about their opinion on fragile ecosystems in Indonesia? Or abortion? The only information I want from the guy driving in front of me is a turn signal before he changes lanes.

Of all the bumper stickers I hate, this one pisses me off the most: "My other car is a (fill in the blank)." I don't care what kind of car you're currently driving, let alone the piece of shit you have sitting in your garage! In fact, your car could veer into a telephone pole and burst into flames (with you still in it) and I still couldn't muster the urge to give a shit. I don't care what your other car is. I don't care about your political convictions, your alterrnative lifestyle, your pornographic stamp collection or your grandkids being on the honor roll.

Here's another bumper sticker that makes me puke: "Keep honking. I'm reloading."
Macho cowboy bullshit. The only load this guy's gonna shoot is into his boyfriend's "magazine." Guys like this make me thankful for accidental, self-inflicted gunshot fatalities.

I'm still waiting to see a bumper sticker that reads, "Hello. I'm a self-centered dousche bag."

Let's have a little truth in advertising.

9 comments:

Mere Existence said...

I love it... I would totally use that last bumpersticker... and it'd be true too!

~kimberly~ said...

That should read...

"Hello. I'm a self-inserted dousche bag."

Lizabeth said...

Around here its the most "environmentalist" people that pollute they're older than dirt pile of gas guzzling car with dumb bumber stickers. Grrr

You've Got What I Need... said...

Yes, but slogans on t-shirt's can, on occasion, brighten my sad little existence.

Useful Idiots said...

My favourite bumpersticker said: Fords were invented to keep assholes out of Chevys.
Another one I saw was: Carpooling with Smith&Wesson.

nongirlfriend said...

How about one that just says "Fuck off"?

That's what I need. Because that's what I'm thinking about every car driving behind me.

citygurl said...

wow, you and saucy monk are on a rant rage! thankfully, living in the city, the only cars I see are cabs. and they just smell funny.

The Cure said...

The one I hate more then anything is the "this car is part of a scientific experiment, do not wash..."
It is the lamest excuse in the world for a dirty car and it is not funny... I know some of you will disagree, if you do take the bumper sticker off your car throw it away and never buy a bumper sticker again!

Ari said...

What about the people who put 49 bumper stickers on every coverable side of their cars, as if you could focus on just one or 12 of those ideas while driving your own car?