3/03/2005

Cryogenic ponderings

Cryogenic freezing allows anybody with an obscene amount of money to preserve themselves, frozen in suspended animation, until the time arrives when technology can thaw the body and cure whatever killed it, and then the person can enjoy the pain and indignity of old age a second time. Yay!

Cryogenic freezing is a very expensive thing. To broaden the client base, companies now offer -- and I'm not making this up -- a less-expensive option where they'll freeze just your head. I'm not certain what the future holds, but I'm pretty sure you're going to miss the rest of your' body when you thaw out and realize your only means of ambulation is rolling! Even if they invent some cool jetpack that fits on your head, you'll miss the other body parts. At least throw in one of my hands and the gentials.

You know, there are several cryogenics labs around the world, which means there are at least a few guys whose job is to cut off dead people's heads. Sign me up! My high school career counselor didn't tell me about this. Granted, it would take some getting used to, but you could have fun with a job like that. Punch the clock. Start chopping heads off. Pop them in the ice. Lunch break!

I wonder what these head-chopper guys put on loan applications in the "occupation" box. It's hard to put a good spin on a line of work with a similar job description to the Grim Reaper. How about Decapitation Engineer? Cerebral Dearticulation Specialist. Head cryogenic technician. Get it? "Head."

Hey, who cares what they call you? You get to cut off people's heads!

10 comments:

The Cure said...

I want to know who after living a whole life who wants to do it all over again with a thawed out old body...

Have you ever seen what meat that has been frozen to long looks like when thawed?

Does they name Freddy Krugger mean anything.

Nettie said...

Oooh, did you ever see the Golden Girls episode on this? It involved freezing heads, I won't give it away but it was great! I never saw the appeal of coming back. Give me heaven any day.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

I'd do it just so I can have a chat with Walt Disney when both our heads get thawed out. I've got a few unanswered questions for him.

Blog ho said...

Who wants to live that long, anyway?

darthmoridin said...

I think cryogenics is the most laughable thing ever, but your take on the job is even funnier.

Osbasso said...

Maybe you could request that they keep the body on ice too. That way, after you and your body have been unfrozen, you could actually kiss your ass goodbye! Or stick your head up your ass! Then pull it out again! Or other unmentionable fun activities!

Alice the Raven said...

I've always wanted to be an Alicicle.

Mmmmm mmmm good.

aughra said...

see Robot Chicken this week?

Kilroy Trout said...

I think you gotta do this with the person still alive, otherwise the brain won’t stay fresh. This makes me wonder if they chop of your head, will your body runs around flailing its arms kind of like a chicken does.

That would be neat.

Mike R. said...

I was totally picturing Ted Williams floating in Arizona as I read this post.

Can someone call Michael Crichton? This is an ER episode waiting to happen. I can picture Kovac, Weaver, and Carter debating the ethics of cutting off Abby's head as she lay there comatose...