3/08/2005

Dr. Seymour McCrack, Politically Incorrect Gynocologist, Part 3

Here are real, unedited quotes from the exam room of Dr. Seymour McCrack, Politically Incorrect Gynocologist:


"I appreciate you offering me the whisker biscuit, but I just started the Atkin's Diet. No carbs for the first two weeks."

"Oh sure. I enjoy it down here. But every once in a while, I wish I could leave the cave and head North, into the mountains, if you catch my drift."

"I should have double-majored in Proctology. I mean, I'm already down here, right? It's only an inch away."

"So you say you can't get pregnant? Damn, some guys have all the luck. Well, don't worry about it, darlin'. The fun's in the trying."

"Sure, most gynos use a gauge, but I just do a finger count."

"I'm sorry to hear your co-pay went up again. And you know what the irony is? I should be buying you dinner."

"It's good to do your homework when it comes to healthcare. So I recommend you become an informed patient. It just so happens you can find a lot of these vagina things on the Internet. Just Google it."

"Few patients realize that we can do this "doggy-style," too. I studied the technique at a medical conference in Tijuana."

"Damn, Nurse Price. Another appointment this afternoon? I've seen enough vaginas this week to sicken Blog Ho."

"[Singing and clapping] Tamp-ON. Tamp-OFF. Tamp-On, Tamp-off, Tamp-on... The Tampon. You need a fresh one, darlin'."


Dial in next week when Dr. Seymour McCrack will answer questions from the audience.

16 comments:

Alice the Raven said...

Hey, isn't this the guy on the lifetime channel?

He works on Oprah, doesn't he?

aughra said...

Ha, checking out vaginas on the net. I liked how on Best Week Ever they called Charlie Sheen a 'vagina enthusiast'.

Nice.

You've Got What I Need... said...

You can do that, really? And here I've spent all my time googleing potting soil.

I'm such a dumbhead.

jadedprimadonna said...

It's a good thing I'm getting a new computer her at work because I accidently spit water on my keyboard from laughing while reading this...

Thanks for visiting my site. My PhD is in Curriculum and Instruction for Secondary English.

stoli said...

Now I see why everyone has you linked on their blogs.

Sooooo funny!

Blog ho said...

doggie style. very nice. they don't think of that stuff in med school, i'm afraid.

Kathleen said...

Nice to see a picture of you! Aren't you just as cute as a bug's butt!

Wait a minute...

poopie said...

Yes Dr. Butt.....you are the comedymeister! By the way, my pap smear is due. Can you give me a reference to Dr. Seymour? Book me for an afternoon doggie :)

darthmoridin said...

I hereby nominate Dr. McCrack for Surgeon General!

Darlene said...

Hey, we finally get to see what you look like. You're much better looking than your name gives you credit for, 'Bug's Butt'.

Pirate said...

Excellent blog. A regular shit stirrer. Stop by mine and see if we can kick some crap around.

Konservative Jay said...

Tamp-On! Tamp-Off! classic...

nongirlfriend said...

Tamp-on, tamp-off?

Oh my God, I LOVE you, Bug's Butt!

Will you (not) marry me and let's skip right to the honeymoon???

citygurl said...

'whisker biscuit'? that's the first time I've heard that, and I really thought I was well rounded. ah well.

bullish1974 said...

the doctor is back!

ah, tampons--those 'lil torpedos of cotton filled goodness, right? rrright!

8ZERO8 said...

Whisker biscuit? That is fucking hilarious. I thought I'd heard them all, but tha's a new one to me.