"I appreciate you offering me the whisker biscuit, but I just started the Atkin's Diet. No carbs for the first two weeks."
"Oh sure. I enjoy it down here. But every once in a while, I wish I could leave the cave and head North, into the mountains, if you catch my drift."
"I should have double-majored in Proctology. I mean, I'm already down here, right? It's only an inch away."
"So you say you can't get pregnant? Damn, some guys have all the luck. Well, don't worry about it, darlin'. The fun's in the trying."
"Sure, most gynos use a gauge, but I just do a finger count."
"I'm sorry to hear your co-pay went up again. And you know what the irony is? I should be buying you dinner."
"It's good to do your homework when it comes to healthcare. So I recommend you become an informed patient. It just so happens you can find a lot of these vagina things on the Internet. Just Google it."
"Few patients realize that we can do this "doggy-style," too. I studied the technique at a medical conference in Tijuana."
"Damn, Nurse Price. Another appointment this afternoon? I've seen enough vaginas this week to sicken Blog Ho."
"[Singing and clapping] Tamp-ON. Tamp-OFF. Tamp-On, Tamp-off, Tamp-on... The Tampon. You need a fresh one, darlin'."
Dial in next week when Dr. Seymour McCrack will answer questions from the audience.