Fruity Pebbles are so good you can eat them straight from the cereal box.

Nice eyes and a great smile on a guy is like big tits and a short skirt on a girl.

Ice cream should count as a frozen dinner.

Have you ever noticed how clearly you see the world immediately after an orgasm?

Why does fruit-flavored candy taste so much better than the fruit it's trying to replicate?

A bagel is better than toast, but worse than a doughnut.

Most men fantasize about two women at the same time; I fantasize about two women for a lifetime.

If we're our brothers' keeper, why couldn't I copy my neighbor's chemistry test in school?

I think it's cool how "OK" and "KO" mean the opposite things. The first means "alright." The second means "knocked out."

You can tell how friendly a country is by how much barbwire it has around the border.

How come if you paint a picture of somebody naked, it's art, but if you take a picture of somebody naked, it's porn?

I think we could get more gang-bangers to graduate high school if we promised to engrave their diplomas on rims.

I don't care how good they taste, I'm not eating a food called "pork rinds."

I've discovered that you may never forget how to ride a bike, but you sure as hell can forget how to rollerblade.

I saw a car with a bumpersticker that read, "Wal-Mart Sucks." The irony was that his car looked as if he bought it at Wal-Mart.

What do you suppose the smoke stacks look like at the dildo factory?

Too bad breathing didn't burn more calories.

The worst place to jump on a pogo stick is under a ceiling fan. It's also the worst thing to do while naked.

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