Why do talk show hosts have to have a sidekick? I'm tired of this tradition. Fuckin' parasites, these sidekicks. Let me get this straight. They spend 10 minutes under a producer's desk, and rest of their career sitting next to the host doing next-to-nothing? Sign me up!

What's a sidekick's job, anyway? To laugh. To laugh at some guy's dumb jokes. Women have been laughing at their dates' dumb jokes for centuries and the best they can hope for is surf-and-turf -- and a few seconds' warning before he shoots a load in her mouth. It doesn't seem fair to me.

I think the host should have to carry the show by himself. Fuck this sidekick shit. The last useful sidekick I can remember was Tanto, and that was only because of the delicious sexual tension between him and The Lone Ranger.

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