3/21/2005

Three vignettes that'll make you think (and purge)

Bad Things Come in Threes

Superstition says that bad things come in threes. For example, if your washer goes on the fritz, expect the roof to start leaking and the heater to go tits-up. One, two, three things. Crisis over.

Well, I hope that doesn't apply to sexually transmitted diseases. Could you imagine having herpes, the clap and a case of the crabs simultaneously? You'd have to cut off your dong! And seems how bad things come in threes, you'd have to snip the balls, too.


Buzzards

True story. I attended a funeral last week. As they committed the body to the ground, a buzzard descended on the scene and perched himself on the headstone. He stared remorsefully at the casket. Then he turned to me and said, "What are you guys doing? I would have eaten that."

That's why I don't like birds. They're always thinking of themselves.



Nude Is Beautiful

How do they play basketball at the nudist colony? Usually when you play basketball, one team is shirts and the other is skins. But all the players on the nudist league have only a whole bunch of skin -- nary a shirt in the whole camp!

Maybe they keep shirts lying around just for basketball games. One team wears the shirts and the problem is solved. But hold on. Now, you've got 5 people running around without any pants. Nudity may be beautiful. But running around without pants is just dirty.

I just thought of something. Especially in organized sports, you wear a cup supporter. So now, you have 10 naked people donning a cupped g-string, and only half of them are wearing shirts. That's just gross. Take a minute to picture that.

One more question about nudists: Where do they keep their wallets?

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