4/08/2005

New warnings for alcoholic beverages and fun with cliches

Alcoholic Beverage Label Warnings

Warning -- may erroneously inflate odds of winning a fistfight against the strip club bouncer.

Warning -- Mixing this product with all-you-can-eat chicken wings may produce skid marks.

Warning -- This product does not include bail money.

Warning -- High doses of this product may cause instances of public nudity.

Warning -- When under the influence of this product, women may appear more attractive than they actually are. Do not view sex partners procured while using this product when sober.


Fun with Cliches

That defecates the purpose

A girl in the hand is worth another girl's bush

You can't judge a hooker by her lover

Don't kick a gift horse in the crotch

Here's one for the wives to say to their husbands when making love: Are you fuckin' hard or hardly fuckin?

Good fences make good neighbors peek from the balcony.

Why buy the cow when you can fuck her all you want right now?

The road to hell is paved with old New York Times editorial pages.

You draw more guys with money than ministers.

Watched pot never gets you high.

The freaky heel has a boil.

Imitation is the mildest form of battery.

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