51 things about LBB you couldn't have gone your entire life without knowing

I consider my fellow bloggers my friends. None has sent me a death threat nor sought a restraining order against me, which is more than I can say for my flesh-friends.

I enjoy learning about my fellow bloggers. I especially like posts that tell about the author. In that spirit, I've posted 51 things about myself. Forty-eight of them are true. Three are lies. Can you spot the lies?

1) I drink over a gallon of diet soda per day
2) I urinate over a gallon per day
3) I broke my femur and tibia jumping from a truck on a collision course with a parked car.
4) I have physically assaulted two computer printers.
5) I've never driven drunk, but I've driven angry.
6) I started a brush fire and narrowly escaped arrest.
7) I rescued a drowning child back in 1979.
8) I've never been in a fistfight.
9) During the dot-com boom, I made 9k off of a 100 bucks. Suck on that, Warren Buffet.
10) Loud, sudden noises anger me.
11) I hate bars and beer, but I love liquor.
12) I believe a good working definition for "happiness" is "part-time work."
13) I collect quotations.
14) I eat fast food every day, often twice a day -- and yet I haven't been "super-sized" like that dipshit with the moustache suggests.
15) My favorite book is The Great Gatsby.
16) My favorite play is The Importance of Being Earnest.
17) I owned a MacIntosh for 5 hours. Then I demanded a refund.
18) I stepped on a scorpion with my bare foot and didn't get stung. The scorpion survived the incident, too. Then I killed him.
19) The word you can't see on my "I heart" sweater featured on my photo is "Arizona."
20) I'm 1/32 lightning bug from my mother's side.
21) My ass glows in the dark.
22) I watch Fox News constantly. (Address hate mail to: eightinches4real@yahoo.com)
23) I hate seafood. And you can keep that sushi crap!
24) I believe Steve Miller's album "Abracadabra" was underrated.
25) I don't wash my hands after using the restroom unless I'm at work.
26) I believe blogs will significantly reduce book sales because the crap they print isn't nearly as good as the stuff we write!
27) I drew a pair of shorts and taped it onto my poster of The Vitruvian Man because I love the sketch, but I hate his dong staring at me all day.
29) I distrust and despise the number 28.
30) I keep a compass in my glove box for when I get lost.
31) I wear Old Spice and use the stick deodorant and face gel. Suck on that, Aqua Velva!
32) I utter 87% of my profanity in front of my computer. The remainder is reserved for the DMV.
33) I have some grey hair and I still watch cartoons and eat taffy.
34) I actually did get my pecker caught in my zipper like you see in those cheesey movies. It was awful.
35) I've never asked "What Would Jesus Do?" I have asked "What Would Bill Clinton Do?"
36) Even though I don't believe in God, I still talk to Him sometimes.
37) In my youth, I used the early-withdrawl method with great success. Suck on that, Planned Parenthood!
38) My senior year in HS, I smuggled contraband across the Mexican border with the aid of a secret compartment in my gym shoe.
39) I've never shoplifted, but I did leverage a generous employee discount plan in my favor.
40) I had a brief conversation with Linda McCartney about a gift I was buying for my girlfriend.
41) I was 30 years old before I drove a car with working air conditioning.
42) I graduated HS with a 2.24 GPA. If not for SAT scores, I would have been ineligible for college.
43) I'm plotting the murder of a woodpecker who pecks at my chimney.
44) I almost have myself convinced that material possessions do not bring happiness.
45) The best money I ever spent was on RK surgery, or maybe my vasectomy. Eyes and balls -- two great places to have surgery.
46) My first blog was titled "Pontificate or Perish."
47) I still labor to perfect my salsa recipe. Do you have one?
48) I love heat.
49) My proudest moment in high school is when I successfully cheated on a Spanish test and earned a higher grade than the class nerd.
50) I've never regretted quitting anything. But I've regretted persevering several times.
51) I'm giving up the bad habit of blogging.

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