5/04/2005

Dashboard Lights Not Paradise

My car's dashboard is giving me too much information. I don't care about all that stuff. All I want to know is how fast I'm going and how much gas is in the tank.

RPM? Who cares? I have an automatic. I have 42k miles on my car and not once have I needed to know how many RPMs. It's like my engine is trying to impress me. "See how hard I'm working for you. This acceleration shit isn't easy."

Temperature? Not my problem. I'm going to drive no matter how hot things get. If it seizes one day, I'll just call AAA. It's under warranty, anyway.

Now that would be a good thing to put in the dashboard: an idiot light that indicates whether your car is still under warranty, or whether you're fucked. And that's just what it should read once you exceed the warranty, in flashing lights, "You're Fucked."

The seatbelt indicator light annoys the piss out of me for several reasons. First, I feel it's none of my car's business whether I want to risk my life. I can zip around town driving like a maniac and my car doesn't say squat. But if I'm not wearing my seatbelt, it starts nagging me like a drunk mother-in-law.

And it's ironic that the picture has a guy wearing a seatbelt. I think it should depict a guy not wearing a seatbelt. After all, isn't that the problem? Or better yet, how about a graphic of a guy crashing through the windshield and getting decapitated? Have a point.

I wish my car's dashboard would just shut up and leave me alone. I'm trying to drive.

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