5/19/2005

Hodgepodge or hogwash? You decide.

  • I just saw a guy on a motorcycle. His tee shirt read, "Touching my motorcycle without my permission may result in serious injury or death." I just ordered a bumper sticker that reads, "threatening serious injury or death may prompt driver to run over you and your motorcycle."
  • If Truth is Beauty and Beauty is Truth, why do girls wear make-up? Why do guys get hair plugs?
  • Those acts too obscene to pin to humanity we attribute to "God."
  • If you hate odd numbers, it's got to be hell being single, or an only child.
  • The only time I envy the Amish is when I'm using Microsoft Windows.
  • It's ironic, but I when I was a kid I used to pray to God that my parents would accidentally sleep too late to take me to church on Sunday morning.
  • Did you ever notice that the price of golf clubs keep going up, but golf scores never go down?
  • When advertisers want to sell something to men, they put the word "sports" on the label: Sports gel. Sports bag. Sports car. Sports package. None of these things relates to sports, but because men and sports go together, we'll buy them! You could put the word "sports" on a box of tampons and we'd buy a case of them at Costco. Then we'd show them off to our friends. "Hey Joe. I just picked up the Stayfree Tampon Sports Maxipad with the Sports sent. It's 30% more absorbent than your model. And they've got the winged sports package for aerodynamics."
  • The bad thing about being a gynecologist is, you can never think outside the box.
  • Next, Congress should filibuster the voting on American Idol. Then the public might give a damn.

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