5/24/2005

Two lists that have nothing in common


Things you don't see very often...

1) A pregnant lady on a pogo stick.
2) The number 1 mile-marker on highways.
3) A red-headed guy with a really nice suntan.
4) A salesman who shows himself to the door
5) A restroom attendant at a Taco Bell restroom
6) A Volkswagen Bus with a "Nuke'em all" bumper sticker
7) A vegetarian who keeps it a secret.
8) A nice, clean-cut heavy metal band.
9) A Microsoft keyboard without the CNTL, ALT and DEL keys slightly worn.
10) An internet cache devoid of porn websites.



LBB's Dating Tips...

1) Women over 35 don't find toilet humor as funny as you do. Neither to women under 35.

2) Singing "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" only works in the movies, and then only if you're a fictional fighter pilot. In fact, avoid singing altogether.

3) It's quicker and easier to get a vasectomy than to put on a condom in the dark. Incidentally, why do they call it a "reservoir tip." Isn't reservoir an exaggeration? I don't know what kind of load other men are packing, but mine will fit inside a thimble.

4) Thong underwear is sexy... on women. Men, when you wear a thong, you look like the model in a medical textbook for the chapter on skin diseases.

5) When it comes to cologne, more isn’t better. In fact, don’t use it at all. Instead, take a bath.

6) Don’t talk about yourself incessantly. It’s a date, not a therapy session.

7) Here’s a good first-date idea: show her your blog. Those things are like liquid panty-remover.

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