6/16/2005

The Presidential Staff

Most people describe Bill Clinton as a ladies’ man. I think this is a misnomer.

He was the President. Of course he could score. I should hope the most powerful man on the planet could run reconnaissance on some whisker biscuit. Hell, the Elephant Man could score if you put him in the Oval Office (although he'd have to do it standing up, or else he'd freggin die).

What's the big deal? Some jobs just get you laid. Bartenders, bouncers, roadies, musicians, life guards, drivers-ed teachers -- certain jobs attract the ladies.

Clinton is a cross between JFK and the Pillsbury Dough Boy, mostly the latter. I mean, his idea of romance is eating a pizza and busting a load on a girl’s dress while his pants hang around his ankles. It’s a cinch he’s no Don Juan.

Still not convinced? Who was he sexing before he became President? Hillary Clinton. She's a real catch. The biggest sacrifice Bill ever made for the country was keeping her sexually satisfied. I wouldn't copulate with Hillary using Janet Reno's dick. Hillary, somewhere there's a German power lifter looking for his calves.

Bill Clinton is no ladies’ man. He’s just a regular guy who -- like all of us -- used whatever power and position he had to have sex with as many average-looking women as he could.

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