6/27/2005

Six Great Ideas that Alfred Adler didn't conceive

  • The more people I get to know, the more I realize we’re all committing the same immoral acts. We can’t help it. The only real difference among us is how well we conceal our flaws. Therefore, rather than spending our energy striving for moral perfection, we could better spend it covering our tracks.
  • Do you remember that report years ago that proved police officers were developing testicular cancer from their radar guns? That had me wondering. Don’t they realize they’re supposed to aim the gun at the cars? What were these officers doing? Clocking how fast they could get an erection by thinking about doughnuts?
  • Sex is to marriage what a paycheck is to a job. It’s not the only thing to consider, but if they ever stop giving it to you, you’re going to stop showing up.
  • Always vote for the candidate who posts the least signs along the roadway. Why? Because he’s the least ambitious and the least likely to try brainwashing you. I long for a government chock full of honest and lazy people.
  • Junk food is the real health food. Who eats the most junk food? Kids. They’re the healthiest of all! How many kids do you hear complaining about joint pain and watery stools?
  • Have you seen that bumper sticker, “Kill your television?” That’s too extreme. Let’s compromise. How about we kill Music Television? And maybe we can pay a visit to that guy who makes the Oxy-Clean commercials.

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