7/25/2005

It's glandular

I feel sorry for glands. We blame all our problems and ailments on them. It's not fair.

"I'm overweight because of my glands. It's glandular. I have a gland disorder. That's why I'm such a fat pig. It's not me. It's my glands."

"I'm cranky because of my glands."
"I've got a hyper-active thyroid."
"I've got a lazy ovary."
"I produce too much testosterone."
"My pituitary gland is on the fritz."
"My dick wants to buy you a drink."

If you're bald, fat, skinny, cranky, anxious, hairy, smelly, discolored, impotent, over-sexed, forgetful or just a pain in the ass to the rest of us, it's because of your glands.

I don't buy it. Glands aren't to blame for all that ails us! Glands are the Kunta Kinte of the body. They do all the work and get a beating for it. I say we give them a break. In fact, I think glands should get their own ACLU -- or GCLU -- to represent them.

Here's a good slogan: Stop glandular oppression! If you're overweight, don't blame your glands. Blame your stomach, fatty.

No comments: