8/11/2005

Don't misunderestimate American schools

For the last 30 years we've been hearing about how poorly the American educational system ranks against those of foreign countries, particularly the Asian and European nations.

You've heard the statistics. We don't read as well nor write as well. We can't perform elementary math calculations nor apply critical thinking to real-world problems. The Asian countries are light-years ahead of us in math and science, and the European nations speak English better than we do.

Hogwash! I don't buy it, folks. We grow the best and brightest right here in American schools. Think about all the guns, bombs, planes and missiles that make America the great nation it is. Where do you think these things came from? Japan? The Japanese still don't have a nuclear bomb -- and after we were thoughtful enough to show them two prototypes all those years ago. What are they waiting for? Those babies win wars quickly. I though Japanese workers strived for efficiency.

I'll tell you what the problem is. Foreign educational systems have kids studying languages, medicine and international business instead of designing nuclear weapons that kill all the people and leave the buildings undamaged. That's ingenuity. You show me a country with a warehouse of neutron bombs and I'll show you a country that's educating its children just fine. These high-tech weapons don't grow on trees. You've got to be pretty damn smart to design and build them. Then you’ve got the missiles and planes to design for their delivery. Atomic theory, rocketry and aeronautics take brains, people. What do you think Einstein, Oppenheimer and the Wright Brothers knew about the Humanities? Who gives a crap? They got the freggin’ job done. We owe thousands of dead foreigners to their fine educations. And I’m not about to trample on their contribution to warfare by indicting the American education system, which has churned out enough scientists and engineers to blow up anybody who looks at us crosswise faster than a rerun of Friends. So the next time somebody tries to tell you that our education system is failing, you remind them that we've got more high-tech weaponry than anybody on the planet and we’ll blow their little fag-generating schools up as soon as we vote all the peace-loving pussies out of Congress.

Oh, our schools also are the best at teaching kids how to put condoms on bananas. So don’t let anybody tell you we don’t have a broad-based, multicultural learning model. Because we do.

1 comment:

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