8/05/2005

Legalize it!

Generally speaking, activists annoy the heck out of me. But there's one advocacy group I adore: the legalize-marijuana crowd. You haven't heard sophistry until you've listened to a marijuana advocate spend 2 hours explaining why hemp is superior to nylon. These guys are good. I don't care how straight-laced you are. After listening to an advocate contrast the detriments of alcohol with the health benefits of weed, you'll want to toke a fatty just on principle. One of my “legalize-it” buddies almost convinced me to paste a “Buck Fush” bumper sticker to my car back in 2000, but ironically, once you get high, all those “Bushisms” make perfect sense. So I refrained. He did, however, persuade me that the only way to play bongo drums is while in the nude. And don’t bother citing your First Amendment rights if they try to arrest you for doing that. They don’t care.

I think America is wasting a valuable resource in its marijuana advocates. Right now they’re wasting their creative energies into fashioning evermore-sophisticated bong kits.
“Dude, man. Check it out… you hold the flame up to the bowl, right? Then you suck on Buddha’s 3 arm, then the stuff shoots through the intake manifold in his belly, right. Then it gets cooled in my patented valve crossover array. Shit'll fuck you up, brah."
But marijuana advocates are expert debaters. We should have marijuana advocates handling international diplomacy. Anybody who can convince us to legalize hemp ought to be arguing for our policies in Europe and Arabia. I’ve got a friend -- this guy who goes by “Hotbox” on account of he likes getting high by locking himself in a closet and filling it with hash fumes. Anyway, I think Hotbox should be our delegate at the UN. He’ll have Israeli and Arab diplomats blazing up together and singing Smashmouth records in no time.

I love marijuana advocates. Just don’t try to tell them that PC’s are better than Macs. That’ll start them on a 2-hour tirade on how “The Man” wants you to think just like that. Jeez! Don’t get them started.

1 comment:

Charlemaine said...

Great! Now I'm too embarrassed to write "lol"...
I'm a Mackie but am reduced to a Regular now that my ship sailed (loaded with all my shit but it forgot me) and, sorry Majority Of The People but we're right! Macs rock...way better! better AND gooder!
and anyway, who needs 95% of all 'puter programs? (wutz up with that crap anyways Apple Dudes?) ok, that part sucks