10/07/2005

How many fingernails am I holding up?

Have you seen those guys who let one of their fingernails grow way longer than the others? Why do they do that? Do they have an itch that's just out of reach? Maybe they're tired of not having a screwdriver when they really need it. I think it would be easier to just carry an all-in-one tool with you. How do they decide which fingernail they're going to grow? And why stop there? They've already got a screwdriver. Why not let a couple of nails grow on the other hand? Then they'd have needle-nose pliers!

These are the same kind of guys who wear their hair short, but let that one little rat-tail grow out the back. I abhor this pathetic attempt to look hip. If you want to be a freak, show some commitment for Christ's sake. Grow your whole damn head of hair like one of the Ramones. Let all ten of those fingernails grow into twisted little freaks of nature like Howard Hughes. Grow your hair like a real hippie, and then go get it caught in a piece of machinery that decapitates you. Freak.

I know. That’s mean-spirited. And we all know how loving hippies are. Please don’t bother pointing out the irony with your freakishly long fingernail.

43 comments:

Mona said...

Alright...I'll try to not point out the irony.

But I'm always a bit intrigued by the one fingernail as well. I've heard drugs is one possibility, but I don't think that's the only reason. And the rat tail? The need to be different. Let's congratulate them on succeeding there.

lilly05 said...

Apparently you've never visited Boulder, Co.? The hippies there are ANYTHING but "loving" They will kill you to save the trees, wildlife and or your houseplants! Viva the killer hippies! The long nails are to some a symbol of their religious choices and to others the tool from which they snort their coke!

Heather said...

I admit I have never seen one of those guys with one long fingernail. Ewww!

nongirlfriend said...

I asked one guy why he grew that one particular nail really long and he just laughed like I was supposed to "get" it.

I still don't.

I prefer men with manicures myself.

Amandarama said...

Yeah, I don't get the one fingernail thing either - even if it's to get coke out of the vial and onto the mirror. That's so over.

Cheryl said...

Index finger - guitar playing sans plectrum.
Little finger - a really good, rooting nose picking session, I would guess........

Spinning Girl said...

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Weary Hag said...

The fingernail thing is awful. Just ek.
The look I really don't understand is the David Crosby look. "See? I used to have hair, and almost still do, but not quite ..."
And even worse than his are those who have that completely shiny top all around then the grow a few strands from about halfway up on the sides and back.
Whatever look they were going for? They missed it completely.

Bobby said...

I was always told the fingernail thing was for coke.

The rat tail is due to left over effects of too many drugs.

And both are not cute.

On the same topic, why do some women grow all of their nails long when they have a job that they can't perform with their nails long? It's frustrating to have the cashier at the grocery stab your food with their nails.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Hey, Howard Hughes was a cleanliness freak, and he needed long nails to dig the lint out of his belly button and the dingleberries off his ass. So don't be criticizing Crazy Howard.

Migraine Boy said...

I agree with the folks that said that the long nail is for coke. However, I really think it indicates that you are dealing with a 'buttpipe'.

Hippies...don't even get me started on the hippies!

Oh great One said...

My explanation has already been given. Over and over. But I wanted you to know I was here! Still lovin the LBB!

Nettie said...

Maybe they can't break a record any other way.

Suzanne said...

have you ever seen the episode of Southpark where Cartman tries to rid his city of all hippies? He hates hippies...all hippies, and although i'm not a huge Southpark fan...that was kind of humorous.

Pirate said...

I bdelong to this community organization and the Chairman has this same problem. I often sit there wondering what the fuck? Does he play classical guitar? Have problems with deep rooted boogers? What.

Champs said...

I also don't get why people have a huge ball of wax in their ears the size of a marble. Don't they know what Q-tips are for? Don't they know they can buy a wax removal kit at the store? What are they waiting for? The lights to go out and use it as a way to find their way around the house like a candle, I guess.

Lizabeth said...

I thought that trend was supposed to die in the 80's... sadly the end of the decade failed to alert them. I could go on about hippies, but everyone else nailed it.

Megan said...

At least I'm not the only one who sees that fingernail and automatically assumes, "Cokehead."

Personally, I'll take a tie-dyed and true nasty grungy blackfooted LSD using potsmoking hippy over those annoying uptight angry Greenpeace member wanna be hippies any day.

Lyvvie said...

I'm sure they want you to think they're really hip, cool and rich enough to do coke with a pinky nail...but it's really for picking choice boogers.

The rat tail thing is so 80's it's tragic. I'm all for running around with scissors ridding the world of these things. My bit part for the fashion police.

So why such an angry post? Did a rat tailed long nailed hippie freak cut you off or something?

Just my luck I get the eight letter code word. sheesh.

poopie said...

I never did get the rat tail thing. And it's still alive and well...sheesh.

Harry Yak said...

i had a great comment for you post but i can't remember what it was. guess i'll go put on my socks and eat some pumpkin pie.


i hate those hippies, almost as much as llamas!

actonbell said...

Great post! Hoss's comments always make me laugh so hard, I forget was I was gonna say, too. Except: Goodness! you have lots of pretty female pictures in your comment popup.
I've never thought about the nail thing--maybe they only pick their noses with one finger? Do guitar players need any long nails on their strummin' hand? The possibilities are endless, really.

addict said...

and have you noticed those nails are *always* nasty...
uckkkkk

CaCaBoy said...

LBB, it's for snorting substances. Coke, meth, whatever. But that doesn't mean the one you saw does. Kinda like skateboarders, some are just plain posers!

CaCaBoy said...

Oh yeah! I'm a cool phukers!

Thanks for the love!

Jill and Kelli said...

J - Here's another blog on Alice's list.

K - I love guys with rat tail hair. It makes for a great head yanking hold.

J - Mean...mean mean mean.

K - If God meant for man to have rat tail hair, he'd have made us rodents.

J - Some men are rodents.

K - Oh, true.

sCruuw said...

It is for Coke...anyway makes me wanna puke when I see that guy! Looser city!

VamPus said...

Well, you know what old Ronnie Reagan said about the hippie-students as a governor in California: "They act like Tarzan, look like Jane and smell like Cheetah".

NWJR said...

Did someone forget to take his happy pills again?

:-)

NWJR said...

Did someone forget to take his happy pills again?

:-)

Blonde said...

I saw more rat tails at a white trash wedding this weekend, then I think I saw in total in the 80's when it was cool.

The long nail is usually a pink and meant for drug use. I stay away from men like that...unless of course funky nail has some weed too.

Chevy said...

i was recently in belize and there are stray dogs everywhere, and there was one that had one very long freakishly nail! we called him "coke dog"...
check out the pic: http://www.flickr.com/photos/urbandude/40847445/in/set-896415/

Belle said...

I can only imagine what those men are digging for or at

OR PERHAPS I DONT WANT TO...ewwwww

Dave Morris said...

Long fingernails tend to have some really gross things UNDER them. Boogers and butt lint, usually.

Word ver. - nakurj (naked urge)

Anti-Blogger said...

I think you are a hippie. Just admit it. It is ok. Rock on.

Harry Yak said...

no way anybody that uses a picture of the fonz as an avatar is a hippie.

Teaspoon said...

Dude, I frick'n hate those one long-fingernailed freaks. That is propably the worst fashion statement that "men" do to themselves.

Toni said...

At least most of these dudes with long fingernails only have it on the pinky. My grandpa has a freakishly long THUMBNAIL that he calls his "all purpose"; namely, for the purpose of digging emeralds from his nose. I think his nose has expanded several inches over the years because he uses his fucking THUMB, for God's sake.

Blog ho said...

beat on the brat

Blond Girl said...

I don't get it either. And I don't want to.

Diva in Training said...

I know a couple folks who have the long pinky nail and I didn't even think much about it till you brought it up. Now that I have images of butt lint and ear wax in my head I'll think twice about shaking hands with these folks.

Hulabelly said...

I always end up with a freak nail that somehow has spurted ahead of the others over night.. Its' odd adn I usually clip it, but that seems to encourage the little devils.

I haterattails

Anonymous said...

You do not see the point.

I grow all my nails, but my pinky nails are longer: about 20 cm, others: about 10 cm. If you wish, I can post some pics, and you will see that they are really fantastic.

emilotay@hotmail.com