11/07/2005

A conversation

Guy #1: Hey, you! Over there?

Guy #2: Who? Me?

#1: (Heavy sarcasm) No. The guy behind you.

#2: (Actually turns to look behind him. Sees no one) I’m sorry but there is nobody behind me. I’m the only one here.

#1: (Heavy sarcasm) Now you’re catching on, Einstein. I’m talking to you.

#2: Oh. Oh, I see. You’re implying that I’m stupid -- that somehow I should have been at once certain that you, a complete stranger, were addressing me and only me. What a moron I am!

#1: Yeah, something’ like that. Moron!

#2: You’re the one talking to imaginary friends. I’m just the unfortunate soul who wandered into the middle of a moron sandwich. Why don’t I leave you two to the task of together equaling the brain power of a normal person.

#1: You know, you’ve got an attitude. I knew you were an asshole as soon as you opened your wise-ass mouth. Why don’t you go piss on a fuse box?

#2: Why don’t you go drink another can of turpentine? I think you have a few good brain cells remaining, each of whom long for a cheap buzz and the companionship of a well-hung, sexually confused sailor.

#1: Go fuck yourself, pal.

#2: Same to you, dir sir. Adieu.

And so was last Thanksgiving at my grandmother’s house. Ah, memories.

38 comments:

Heather said...

Aren't family holidays the greatest? Sounds like something one might overhear when celebrating Thanksgiving with my Dad's side of the family.

Anonymous said...

Whoa, feel the love.

I can hear Kumbaya coming on.

*sniff*

Love, Alice

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

Families eh

take the rough with the smooth

tornwordo said...

When you say "sexually confused" is that like "don't understand sex"?

Insult competition is my favorite. I'd probably dig your family.

yep, it's me.... said...

a moron sandwich
there has to be a better kind....

Lyvvie said...

All is healed with beer right? Tell me the beer brings the whole family together at the end, because that's only right. A big drunken family hug, a sing-song from Brady Bunch album and then everyone chips in clear up Grandma's chunkies from the carpet.

Fly to Scotland to escape.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Ah...close family huh? ;)

NWJR said...

I'm feeling the love, LBB.

Weary Hag said...

I trust this conversation didn't actually take place WITH your grandmother though? If it did, what time is dinner this year?

Spider Girl said...

It's witty repartee that makes conversations with certain people tolerable.

(Even if most of the commentary is actually in your head.) :)

Viveka said...

firstly i luv ur blog name "lightning bug's butt"...v cute...
secondly...wid relatives arnd things do get a lil' wild...

teh l4m3 said...

Happy Thanksgiving, pilgrim!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I bet reunions are even better.

Chick said...

Man, your Granny's a meanie.

Sherpa said...

ah, looking forward to 2 weeks from now?

sCruuw said...

And what niceties will this Thanksgiving bring?? I hope you post the loverly tidings here!

Spinning Girl said...

Dad? Is that you?!?!?

Chloe said...

nothing beats a warm conversation with a loving friend. that christmas presents list must be very long eh?

LBseahag said...

I have no where to be on thxgiving...can i come?

i need to bond with uncle curtis...like u will never understand...


btw...i saw wedding crasheers, did u? i love that family...

The Other Half said...

LMAO...nice story bug...nice one

Harry Yak said...

thanks for the memories

Edgy Mama said...

At least you are both eloquent in your insults.

im here somewhere said...

kasey, is that you? i thought we werent gonna talk about christmas.?

Darlene said...

Lightning Butt's Gram sounds like a real classy chick.

As always... Rachael said...

lmao! I'm so not looking forward to thanksgiving... maybe I'll boycott and order a pizza!

nongirlfriend said...

Yikes. Did you at least get to stuff yourself silly?

aughra said...

actually, it's Steinburg, not Einstein.

Sorry, Arrested Developement from Monday....

Riss said...

Sounds like my house except Grandma's side of the conversation sounds more like "mphhf yaww mupph yaau suupi bathad mmmppf" because she has no teeth.

Oh great One said...

After reading that I realize I have nothing to complain about.

Blog ho said...

i was rooting for #1

Amandarama said...

That was similar to Thanksgiving with my stepfather. Except his dialogue was punctuated with flashbacks to Vietnam.

CaCaBoy said...

My Thanksgiving went like this:

#1: What the fuck you looking at, ass face?

#2: Jesus Dad, I was looking at Mom!

the Monk said...

family...no, make that relatives...*knowing smile*...and moron sandwich...very,very nice...

Toni said...

Let me guess- You were Guy #2 and your dad was Guy #1?

Arz000n said...

After a long time Im visiting my Blogger GOD's blog.

How you doing LBB??

And I dont have to say how hillarious posts on your blogs are.

They crack me up, everytime I come here.

Thanks for this awesome post LBB.
Take care!!

Sonic Reducer said...

That's fucking hillarious! NICE!

Molicious said...

I knew that sounded familiar. Sounds like my house too. :o)

Bobby said...

hilarious dude. seriously.