11/01/2005

Oil, War and Sex

  • To all the “it’s all about oil” people: Unless you walk to work and your I-pod is solar powered, you’re a beneficiary of the war in Iraq. Now go write George Bush and all of the troops you “support” a thank-you letter. And at the bottom, sign it “Formerly Ungrateful Hippie.”
  • Speaking of oil, I say we add the clause “cheap oil” to our Bill of Rights. That would resolve a lot of arguments. Wouldn’t it be nice to have the Supreme Court arguing about how to procure cheap petroleum instead of useless shit like whether kindergartners have the right to fornicate on public-owned land? And while we’re tweaking the Bill of Rights, why not add a “not-to-have-my-ass-incinerated-by-terrorist” clause, too. Am I alone in believing that being dive-bombed by an airbus is as great a violation of one’s civil rights as being called an epithet?
  • Speaking of Iraq: Fighting in Iraq, bad. Fighting in Bosnia, The Balkans, Grenada, Panama, Lebanon, Kosovo, Korea, Liberia -- all good. Moral: butchering thousands of people is palatable as long as there’s no oil or other discernable American interest.
  • If a 42 year-old, white software engineer can be held accountable for slave owners living 160 years ago, Iraq can own up for its contributions to terrorism.
  • You haven’t seen somebody eat crow until you’ve listened to a feminist explain why a rich, powerful, white man should be able to lie and conceal his sexual escapades in the workplace to avoid responsibility for a sexual harassment lawsuit. Choice!
  • Speaking of the whole Clinton thing, how unfortunate that spunk on a dress was Bill Clinton’s Achilles’ heel. No wonder Hillary wears pantsuits.
  • How come corporate profits are evil until Uncle Sam loots them? If I steal a Barry Manilow album, it’s still bad.
  • Human beings are part of the ecosystem. Spotted owls build nests. Beavers build dams. Man builds Wal-Marts. What’s the fuckin’ problem?
  • Would people still be against prayer in schools if the kids prayed for George Bush to be impeached?

30 comments:

Sharon said...

There could not possibly be a chance in hell that I got to comment first. Is there?

Sharon said...

If you steal a Barry Manilow album, it might be the sign of a larger psychological problem that has nothing to do with morals.

popfizz said...

we will agree to disagree.. except for the part about hippies..
we agree totally on that..

i hate those motherfuckers.

Edgy Mama said...

Can we all just get over the blow job? Please?

tabitha jane said...

Would people still be against prayer in schools if the kids prayed for George Bush to be impeached?

---------

depends on if the school was in a red or a blue state . . .

Amber Lynn said...

I'm with ya!

Spinning Girl said...

crack that whip, LBB.

"dive-bombed by an airbus"--great word choice. Scary. Yes, it was scary.

And I say "yes" to corporal punishment! Early and often!

Lizabeth said...

you are just too good LBB, keep talking man

btw, does blogger really need 800 (ok its 9) characters to prove I'm not a spammer, sheesh!

tornwordo said...

You sound mad. Are you mad today?

Blond Girl said...

Love it, love it, love it, love it!

Keep it up.

nongirlfriend said...

Fabulous post, BB! Fabulous!

Now may I go have alcohol?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Here's a question only you can answer: Did the ecosystem build WalMarts for pigeons to shit OFF of, or ONTO?

Heather said...

You are my hero!

I'm not worthy!
I'm not worthy!

You rock!

Chad said...

So the "rainforest" is really a "jungle?"

Those lying bastards!

No_Newz said...

So when are you running for president? You'd get my swinging CHAD. (which is different than that dude, Chad who posted his comment above mine) ;)
Lois Lane

As always... Rachael said...

We don't agree on this one. Wait until I buy a horse and starting growing my own rubbermaid storage containers... then you're in for a debate!

sCruuw said...

Right on Bug! If it was about oil..we would be swimming in the shit!

I thank the troops everyday personally!

I am also contributing one soldier next year and one in 3...

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

They're all SO true! :)

And I actually bought a Barry Manilow album once...years ago.. But in my defense, I think I was dropping acid at the time, man.

Righteous words, dude...;)

Weary Hag said...

On many, many occasions, I've wished I were a spotted owl. Think about it ... a sage minimalist with one hell of a set of eyes - Dang. They got it all.

I like to come here to get a nice dose of food for thought. Heck of a healthy mind-diet!

Molicious said...

I love when you get all political. :)

Migraine Boy said...

You shouldn't be President...You should be King!

Oh great One said...

I HATE shopping at Walmart....but darn it they have great prices.

Sharon said...

Yes, be King. You don't even have to be elected to be King. You just have to get some watery tart to throw a sword at you.

Pirate said...

I had this discussion the other day with one of my many liberal friends. They were telling me how Bush's attempt to bring democarcy to the middle east is so intruding on the towel head's culture. How we have taken advantage of these people and we deserve what we have gotten from them.

I then asked him just what does the middle east bring to the world table other then terrorism and oil? They nothing else to trade or provide to the banquet table village is a society concept.

You should have seen their face. Then he said their culture. I responded like WTF is their culture other then oil and terror.

Blog ho said...

feminists dig you.

Dave Morris said...

Sumbuddy's been watching the political shows again! LOL!

Great, well articulated stuff as always. I WOULD like to know when all that oil is going to start paying for the rebuilding of Iraq. I'm tired of forking over my 40 percent when a good amount of it is going to rebuild their infrastructure.

By the way, these days George Bush supporters have BECOME the 'spotted owls.' Rare, and they tend to stick together. (not in the same way the pages of my "MUFF" magazine stick together, but anyway) Bush's okay, but I sure wish he were more curious and a bit more of a "thinker."

Chick said...

I agree fully with the first point...sheesh...DO something to conserve...damn it!

& Hillary wears pantsuits to hide the fact that she's sporting a pair of huge balls...that's what I think...anyway...

NWJR said...

Do you have "ditto" tatooed on your forehead?

See, if GW had just said, "We're going over to Iraq to loot their oil," I'd have been fine with that.

But I'm more concerned about this sudden burst of anger. Seriously, my friend...I think YOU need a blowjob.

Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

I almost peed myself. That is damn funny!

mckay said...

and i thought this post was going to be about massage oil and sexy card games.