- Happiness is part-time work.
- Where talent errs, mediocrity criticizes.
- Anybody who has more money than you is either lucky or greedy. Anybody who has less money than you is either dumb or lazy. And however much you have, the government has a damn good reason why you should be giving more of it to them.
- Organized mediocrity often goes further than scattered genius.
- Luckily many of the things we want are things somebody else is looking to get rid of.
- Managing your finances does more for your net worth than managing your career.
- The stronger one's political convictions, the more desperate one's desire to appear smarter and more enlightened.
- Dentistry and auto repair are fine examples of legalized theft.
- Psychotherapy is an effective means to understand why you can't change your mental problems.
- With enough hustle on the graduate's part, his college education will increase his earning power enough to pay back his student loans over the course of his working life.
- Tile is superior to carpeting. Blinds are superior to drapes. Shower doors are superior to curtains.
- Your vehicle's/appliance's/home's particular problem will fall under the “normal wear and tear” clause of its warranty.
- Humor is to one's mind as the liver is to one's body.
- Nice eyes, a great smile and a sense of humor on a man is like long legs, big boobs and a short skirt on a girl.
- If you were to study bloggers as a demographic, you'd find the most creative, entertaining, dynamic and brightest group of people on the planet.
- The best remedy for a cold is heat. The best remedy for the flu is ice water.
- People who insist they don't care what others think care the most what others think.
- Every woman has one man from her past who will always be welcome in her present, and if you're not he, then your relationship with her will be in chronic jeopardy.
- Guilt is the lever arm of politics. Political correctness is the fulcrum.
- Automobiles enslave us to consumerism more than any other commodity.
LBB's New Year's Maxims
I know they’re late-coming, but here are 20 maxims for you to consider, ridicule, violently oppose and then accept as self-evident this New Year: