Why do I have to haul it? If I'm moving, I want somebody helping me. And when I say "helping," I mean doing all the heavy lifting for me. I want to lie in a lounge chair sipping lemonade while four "undocumented" laborers work themselves to an early grave moving my high-priced plasma TV and other cool shit. I want to pay them minimum wage and tip them with Budweiser. I'll drive the truck. That's the fun part!
And I wouldn't be a nice guy like I am when I'm blogging. I'd get high-handed with those laborers. Between sips of lemonade, I'd shout at them through a bullhorn:
"Get your no-green card having ass back to work. You're laborers. You should be laboring. This is what you get for getting fired from Wal-Mart. Hey, careful with that, ese. That's mahogany!"What gives with U-Haul's attitude? I hope other companies don't pick up on this. Can you imagine going out to eat at a U-Cook-It? "Alright, Slick. The eggs are in the cooler, and over there is the toaster. Now go cook yourself some breakfast. And don't use too much Spam. You know you hate that shit."
Or an auto mechanic. U-Fix-It. "Tool shed's out back. There's the jack. Good luck fixing your brakes. Remember, power tools and whiskey don't mix."
You know what I say to U-Haul? Fuck-U.