2/06/2006

Coin-ism makes no cents

Everybody hates pennies. You can never find them when you need them. They're always the first to pop up when you're scrambling for dimes and quarters. After a while, they collect a shell of human funk and dust that turns them black and gross. They take up all the room in your piggy bank. They piss off the people behind you in the checkout line when you're buying liquor with them.

Pennies are a real pain in the ass. On the other hand, they are the most pleasant tasting coins in our currency. I find the 1983 Lincoln "D" series delectable. Throughout history, American scholars have systematically edited the many contributions the penny has made to posterity. For example, pennies can replace bad fuses. You can't beat the price. They cost only a penny. Suck on it, Smokey the Bear.

I've read that people are considering eliminating the penny from American currency. Aren't we being coin-o-centric? What do we have against the penny, really? We love the other coins. The thin-lipped, light-colored dime is our standard of coinal beauty. Likewise, quarters shine brightly in our hearts -- as long as they feature the face of a white, slave-owning George Washington on its silver-colored profile. We treat dollar bills like royalty. Why are we excluding the penny from the American Dream – money?

I submit it's because of the penny's brown complexion. It's racism, only with currency. We're discriminating against the penny. If we see something brown, we bomb it, flush it, or exclude it from societal norms. Don't believe me? Consider this: Abe Lincoln's profile is on the penny. Isn't he the Great Emancipator, the one who freed the slaves? I don't think this is a coincidence. Maybe the US mint should establish affirmative action for pennies. I don't know how it would work, because it takes five of them just to make a nickel. I'm sure the trial lawyers will work it out -- as long as they get their percentage in dollar bills.

30 comments:

Webmiztris said...

come the think of it, the penny actually has the same shade of oompa-loompa bronzer orange as Jessica Simpson smears all over her face. tres tacky. no wonder I hate 'em too!

Miss Sassy said...

Its clearly an issue of superiority, I agree. I mean the want to get rid of the little brown low denomination one with the goo on it? And keep all the shiny silver ones that just got makeovers?? It just ain't right. Revamp the little guy, give him a shot at least... don't just dis him like that!! I mean, what would we do without $.49 food at the mini mart? $.50 food is just not the same.

StringMan said...

It's a form of 'coinophobia'. It can be viewed as a hate crime. Bug, you're right. Lincoln is the key. Without pennies, what will I be able to toss out my open BMW sun-roof to discourage tailgaters? We've got to do something!

Blond Girl said...

Very astute, Bug. I personally stop to pick up as many pennies as I can... unless they're covered in black funk as you so aptly called in.

Query: How do you use a penny in place of a fuse and what ampage are they good for?

Bennet said...

Yeah, nobody cares about the pennies anymore.

Example...Quick stop stores. They keep a little ash tray full in case you don't have the 2, 3 or 4 cents..They don't care what you do with them....

You could drop it all into your mouth and spit it back into the tray...Piss & shit is actually more valuable then pennies these days.

Peter said...

Sounds like you are heading the same way we did, our smallest coin is 5cents, everything in the shops still ends in 49c or 99c but they juet round the total up or down to the nearest 5c, it does save carrying a pocket full of worthless metal around.

tornwordo said...

Of course in '43, they minted a silver version of the penny (zinc really). I once paid a disputed bill of $60 by delivering a sack of pennies. I brought a printed version of US GOV currency regulations stating that you can't arbitrarily refuse to be paid with a particular kind of coin or bill. Anyway, if we lose the penny, the opportunity for such acts of retribu, er, justice will be lost.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Ewww...pennies taste NASTY...and I'll eat damn near anything! ;)

Belle said...

I admit...I hate pennies...cos the damn things will runneth over in the coin basket cos my children steal all the silver and I am thinking I am saving my coinage for somethin' good...and I go and count it and its like 5 bux in pennies.....grrrrr....

I do like what tornwordo did....thats an AWESOME way to get back at someone....

kari said...

Sweetie Pie...spit that out. You don't know where it's been. Which gives me an idea for a post.

normiekins said...

trivia: being from Illinois did you know we have the only toll road system taht allows pennies......YEAH PENNIES!

Smartypants said...

Yet, we can call a person 'Penny' but not Dollar, Dime, Nickel or Quarter.

Elaine said...

Wow, you pulled the race card for a penny and it made sense! We SHOULD be showing Abe Lincoln's coinage with more respect than that. EQUALITY TO PENNIES!
(but dude.. get it out of your mouth..:P)

sex scenes at starbucks said...

I don't care about the pennies. But if we go the way of the Brits with those damned heavy pound coins, look out!

Of course, they turn one's purse into a quite effective weapon.

Sharkmeat said...

I don't mind the penny really, cause I'm always needing 1 since smokes with tax at my fave store come to 3.01! Where would I be without my pennies then?!
Can pennies still complete a fuse even though they're not copper anymore?

Bob2837465 said...

Preach on, brotha! Way to stand up for the little guy...

Video X said...

damn! that's it...from now on i will not raid my kids piggy bank for pennies to go buy my 40. shew...thanks.

when i lived in england (base...i was a military brat), we did NOT use pennies at the BX. your change was rounded to the nearest 5 cents. they accepted them...but you lost if your change was only $.02. people did not like it much at all.

Anti-Blogger said...

Send me your tired, your poor, and your pennies.

Oh great One said...

Wow. I never thought of it that way. LBB for President!

SugarHigh said...

good point bug butt. personally, i'm pro-penny. i like the little buggers despite their differences.
ps- i was raised by hippies.

Scott said...

No way. Pennies are worthless.

I refuse to handle anything less than a quarter.

Toni said...

I put all my spare pennies in a tall plastic hurricane glass I salvaged from Vegas two years ago. The glass is barely 1/5 full.

Frap Gurl said...

Nice one Bug! I will never look at my pennies the same!

SFChick74 said...

Pennies are treated like trash. I'm glad someone has the cajones to stand up for the rights of the penny.

Weary Hag said...

Yeah and don't forget how handy they are to toss into a sock when you need to clock someone upside the head in a dark alley. You don't mind doing this with pennies because it won't be a great loss should the sock break and spill them all over. Who wants to risk losing a bunch of quarters or dimes in this way? And as for paper money, you could stuff as much of that into a sock as possible and still, no damage. What a waste.

Ms. M said...

Long life the penny, that fucking bitch. Penny's do manage to piss me off, but they also allow me to give correct change. I can handle them sticking around. I don't discriminate.

nongirlfriend said...

You purchase your liquor in pennies? Excellent!

Jill said...

I Love Pennies. They've saved my ass many a times. I'm so glad that the grocery stores have coin counters now. Live Saver when I need gas...or liquor!

Peace

mckay said...

pennies have better phrases:

penny for your thoughts.
it's raining pennies from heaven
penny wise, pound foolish
a penny saved is a penny earned

and what coin has a shoe named after it?



penny loafers.

Forty_Two said...

It's mostly zinc nowadays with very little copper. I think it's an internatinal conspiracy of plumbers.