Anyway, I bought the G-Shock because it's shock-resistant, atomically synchronized and solar- powered. These are all important features in a watch. First, consider the G-Shock's durability. You never know when you'll need a watch that can pull 22 G's. For example, let's say I get into another gang fight. I want to pop Senor Julio Hubcap Wife-Beater in his shaven head without inhibition. I don't want to worry about breaking my watch off on his gold-capped tooth or in his ass. Wearing a G-Shock, I can pass out the knuckle sandwiches with conviction. And because my G-Shock is atomically synchronized, I'll time-stamp the precise time into Julio's forehead so he knows exactly when he got bitch-slapped. And just before I bitch-slap him, I'll say something really cool like "At the sound of the slap, it will be time to run home like a punk and drink a 40." I'll also use the stopwatch feature to time how long it takes for the laughter to stop. Most people don't realize that gangbangers have great senses of humor.
As the photo depicts, my G-Shock has a rugged, manly look that tempts the ladies. Nothing says "class" like a moderately priced digital watch about the size of a hockey puck Velcro-ed to your wrist. My wife will love the countdown timer on my G-Shock. I will, too. I'll set it to 3-minutes so when the alarm goes off, I'll know to dispense with the foreplay and get to the main course. The best lovers hold to a rigid time schedule and itinerary. With love-making, it's all about efficiency.
Get this. My G-Shock is solar-powered. That means alternative energy. Don't tell me I'm not caring for the environment. In 6 years, when other watch owners are agonizing over a dime-sized battery making its way to the dump, I'll be smugly boasting my eco-friendly timepiece. Plus I'll save $3.99. That's another meal at McD's!
Interesting story: the girl behind the counter was trying to up-sell me to an "eco-drive" watch. According to her, the watch gets it's power from the movement of your hand. She explained that initially I'd have to move my wrist around deliberately until it gets an initial charge. I told her that I'd probably just slap that baby on my wrist and jerk off for 5 minutes or so. Kill two birds. Strangely, the sales girl suddenly remembered it was her break time and called an effeminate clerk named Antwon for relief. Wrap me up one of those G-Shocks, Twon.
Speaking of time: I've been wondering about this. See if you can help me figure this out.
Alright. Imagine that a supernatural force stops the motion of the entire universe. Atoms and molecules seize. Radiation and energy freeze. Planets halt their orbits. Galaxies cease spinning. Michael J. Fox stops trembling and Ted Turner's lips remain pressed together. The entire universe is now motionless. Question: does time still exist? If so, how can you perceive it? How would you measure it?
Answer: My Casio G-Shock watch, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeyooooooooooooch!