First, I thought of a new slogan for Sirius(-ly Sucks):
Here's another slogan for Siruis(-ly Sucks):
Sirius(-ly Sucks) is trying to bolster ratings by recruiting mega-talent Howard Stern. Howard immigrated to Sirius because his hour-long rants on studio live sex acts, lesbianism, innuendo and fart jokes were confined by the decency standards of the FCC. What tyrants they are, huh? It's not like Howard displayed a Nativity scene near a school or anything. Lighten up, FCC.
Before I go any further, I should admit I respect Howard Stern. Think what you please of his broadcasts. The guy speaks his mind. That distinguishes him from 95% of everybody. Well, that and his schnozzle.
Let me get this straight. Sirius can't cut me my 50-dollar rebate check, but they've got $100,000,000 per year for Howard Stern? Who's the finance officer at Sirius? He needs to submit urine to HR for testing. I say put Charlie Manson on the air. He's less offensive and he works for 22 cents per hour!
I don't know. 100 million dollars per year? That's Puffy money! I mean, lesbianism is fine, but I can only hear it discussed so many hours per day, and Lifetime for Lesbos covers that for me. Sirius doesn't realize that Howard's act is obsolete. Back in the 1980s, a radio voice describing naked coke-whore hotties kissing in the studio was choice. "Are you a lesbian? Are those real?" Howard was the Edward R. Murrow of porn. But nowadays, you can watch a six-pack of lesbians sandwich a farm animal on any of 100,000 webcams. Just type "lesbo" in your Google Bar and you're lightyears ahead of Howard on his best (worst?) day.
One-hundred million dollars? I'll make Sirius a deal. Send me my $50 rebate and I'll mike a high school gym locker room: same material, $99,999,950 cheaper. And as an added bonus, I'll simulate fart noises into the thing from time to time.