3/15/2006

Watch yourself, Boy.

Howdy. BP Calister here. I hope you don't mind. I had some Calister IT boys hack into this little dog and pony show you call a blog. I just couldn't help myself. I had to join in the fun.

Now it appears to me that you've got yerself a case of diarrhea shootin' out your word hole. We need to plug it up.

You see boy, we don't take kindly to outsiders bad-mouthin' a glorious state like Texas. In fact, in less civil times you may have found yourself on the business end of a pistol whippin'. You're lucky those days have passed. Of course, every now and again a little snot-nosed punk like yourself goes missin'. Strictly coincidental, naturally.

We got us a good ole boys' club here, all of whom benefit from Calister Oil. We've got friends from Abilene all the way to the White House. I'd hate to have to give'em a call and rile'em up on account of what you wrote in your last post. I don't think they'd take things as lightly as I have. You understand what I'm saying? You catch my drift?

That's a cute moniker, "Lightning Bug's Butt." Boy, the thought of lightning bugs takes me back. You know what we used to do to lightning bugs when I was a kid, boy? We'd swat'em down and pack'em into an empty beer bottle. Then we'd seal it shut and watch them flash their little asses off until they ran outta Texas air.

Think about that, boy. History has a funny little way of repeating itself.

25 comments:

Bennet said...

Heheheheeheheee...

Although Mr.JR I think you're still compensating for small weiner...Texas style small....
Jeanie never granted you that wish. That Ho!

"AG" said...

I love you, Larry, even though Texas scares me! I'd get over my fear for you!

Weary Hag said...

Listen bucko ... get off LBB's blog.

I'd say something really mean about the size of Texan's pricks, but you'd probably tell me my writing blows or something. Then I'd have to call my "people" ...

Up north they put diddles like you in the trunk of the car and take 'em out for a nice Sunday drive to da East River pier. You've never seen "gone missin" like THAT kinda "gone missin."

Latigo Flint said...

BP Calister has a pretty hat. And pretty teeth too. He's smiling at me but his eyes say he'd really like to watch me die.

(Now I'm sorry I came to this weblog tonight.)

Peter said...

Anyone can get in here it seems.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Yeah, he sure can talk tough...but I bet you he's wearing womens underwear.

Those "tough talking" guys always have some kind of deep dark secret...;)

NWJR said...

You know what they say: The bigger the prick, the bigger the prick. :-)

Becky said...

Texas is awesome, Good Ol' Country Girl Here!

Ms. M said...

Texan's have to act larger than life to make up for their smaller than a thimble penises.

Why do they always to try intimidate? Again, small penises.

Don't mess with Texas? Because they're all pissed off about their penises.

Trinette said...

You talk big now, JR, but word is you're being replaced by Vinnie Barbarino.

jules said...

Hey, quit picking on us Texans.

kari said...

...diarrhea shootin' out your word hole. That happens to me when I drink.

Edgy Mama said...

Just think, if we'd let Texas secede way back when, guess who wouldn't be prez now?

Ari said...

Howdy from the Lone Star State, LBB.

1. Don't kid yourself. Those less civil times persist. We have a saying down here: "He needed killin'."

2. About Texas cock: I can't speak for the whole durn state, but the natives I've known have made a better showing than the Yankees.

Lyvvie said...

*sigh* I still have dreams about Maj. Tony Nelson....

are you getting angry mail again, Bug?

Oh great One said...

Yeah? Well LBB's got a...a...a...good ol' bloggers club and they'll give a beat down to who ever messes with one of our own!

nongirlfriend said...

Wow. I swear I didn't sic him on you, BB.

CaCaBoy said...

I find nothing objectionable about Tex-Ass either. Except the drivers, humidity, attitude.......

T. said...

Ha! That was funny. Great writing!

Smitty said...

These days "gone missin" in Texas means hiding out after you shoot your friend in the face...at least until you sober up anyway.

SugarHigh said...

you are too funny.
hey, i'm having severe technical difficulties on my blog. it won't let me see it or post! just wanted to say hi, since it seems to be letting me post as me on your blog. SOB!
keep me laughing friend, or I may just cry.

Elaine said...

yeeeeeeha. You think dem dar fancy schmanzy ritin' and rithmitic' makes ya think you're better than us boy??

(okay so that's more of an "alabama" speak.. but I had to join in!)

Smartypants said...

I'm from Texas.

Kiss my ass.

(And 1/3 of us didn't vote for W.)

Amandarama said...

I think Mr. Callister has a very punchable face.

Yep.

Frap Gurl said...

Um...Lies are bigger in Texas...