First, let me get this out of the way. Regarding the photo on the right ---------------------->
"I hope that's a dictionary because I think it would be cool to look up the word 'fellatio' while she's giving me a blowjob."
OK. Now that I've got that out of my system...
Dear Readers: Have you identified any of life's rules? Do you have any bits of wisdom? Have you discovered a universal law you'd like to share with us? If so, please post it in the comments section. If I get enough of them, I'll make a post featuring all my readers' laws, and we'll all be a little wiser for the rest of our lives. Below are some of mine:
1) As religion loses its ability to elicit guilt, environmentalism fills the void. Our enterprises were once an affront to God. Now they're a threat to the ecosystem.
2) The least compelling motive is gratitude.
3) In order to commit a crime, you must first perceive yourself as a victim.
4) As designers make cars more reliable, auto mechanics make repairs more expensive at a rate that the real cost of driving remains constant.
5) The only cost-of-living expense politicians won't decry is the tax burden.
6) Those who make more money than we do are greedy. Those who make less money than we are either lazy or stupid.
7) Kids won't find fun in any activity lacking an element of danger.
8) Luxuries, once attained, become necessities.
9) We wear Spandex to show we're thinner. We drive luxury cars to show we're richer. We join causes to show that we're better. We argue politics to show we're smarter.
10) The human condition: a mind working to mitigate the troubles the body's cravings caused.
11) Diet foods leave us craving an amount of food equal to the calories we spared ourselves. Therefore, we tend to eat until we've consumed as many calories as the non-diet equivalent. For example, we'll eat twice as many half-calorie brownies. Corollary: We can never drink enough zero-calorie soda.
12) Nobody's future is what he had in mind.
13) Cars, women and button-up shirts never look better than they do on the showroom floor.
14) No matter the subject, the contents of a $140 college textbook become completely obsolete every year. Luckily, publishers have a $150 new edition in your syllabus's "required reading" section. Tenured professors never become obsolete.
15) Organized mediocrity often goes further than scattered genius.
16) What the liver is to the body, humor is to the psyche.
So, what's YOUR law?