4/28/2006

Three's Company too.

It's fun to look to the past and realize how much things have changed. I was watching a Three's Company marathon on cable television the other night. The episodes are about 25 years old. Just for fun, I mentally transposed Three's Company into contemporary American life. Below are my observations:

  • Jack and the girls would have a slam-dunk discrimination suit against the Ropers for having to pretend that Jack was gay so they could all rent a room together. The irony is, we all know Jack really was a flaming homo. Brokeback Company? Come on. The guy was enrolled in culinary school, for God's sake. And if you watch very carefully like I do, you'll see Jack's trousers become a little more snug when Larry comes over.
  • Every scene of every episode would have someone culpable of sexual harassment. In the 1970s, we called these goings-on flirting. Nowadays they’re crimes. So much for tolerance. Is it really so wrong that Jack reminds the girls he’d like to “fluff their pillows” every five minutes? It’s innuendo, people. It’s not like he was talking on a cell phone while driving an SUV or something.
  • Every week the police would have to respond to a domestic violence call, what with all the hitting, poking, punching, grabbing, pillow fights and disorderly conduct. But once the fuzz learned Jack was queer, it would be a toss-up who the perpetrator was. My vote goes to the writers. They should all be in jail.
  • Janet and Chrissy might have been sex symbols back in the late 70s, but with the recent popularity of plastic surgery, they look like pre-pubescent mongoloids compared today's stars. Nowadays they've got bigger boobs on Nick-at-Night.
  • The girls' bathroom is conspicuously lacking a “24-hour shower cam.”
  • As far as I can tell, the closest thing to a lesbian inference was the episode where Janet and Chrissy took Jack up on a seafood dinner. In those days, the “L-Word” meant lobster.
  • Jack Ritter's physical comedy rivals modern-day professional wrestling choreography. I think Ritter may have been born a couple of decades too soon. He’d have made a great pro wrestler. Imagine Jack kicking The Rock’s ass. I’d pay money to see that. Jack’s trousers would make for a swell pair of wrestling tights. “Can you see the Jack is cooking?”
  • Larry was the 1970's Donald Trump. He was an entrepreneur extraordinaire. He had that what-the-fuck-is-going-on-there hairdo. He always had girls way too hot to be dating him. And he had a “tower” of his own, just like The Don, that he was forever trying to sell.
  • Just as Maryanne was hotter than Ginger, so is Janet hotter than Chrissy.

38 comments:

Chad said...

Janet was hotter than Chrissy. But Wilma was hotter than Betty.

Heather said...

I loved John Ritter's physical comedy. But I am a dork like that.

Junebugg said...

The two girls shared a room, don't you think they might have snuggled just a bit?

"AG" said...

You are so creative. :)

Mrs. Roper wouldn't be taking pokes at Mr. R about the lack of a sex. It would be vice versa, thanks to Viagra.

Ew. That's a creepy visual.

"AG" said...

a sex= a sex life

tornwordo said...

So true on the sexual harassment stuff.

And be careful, culinary school is not a slam dunk homo clue, unless he wanted to be a pastry chef.

Elaine said...

yes yes yes, a million times yes that Janet was hotter than Chrissy.

further proof that Jack was a homo? Hello?? He didn't take any of that Lana action in the later episodes.

Aaah those were the days...

The Regal Beagle and $300 dollar rent for a two bedroom apartment in Santa Monica, CA.

Le sigh..

speaking of which.. they had a MARATHON of Three's Company and I missed it???? Double Le Sigh...

Weary Hag said...

It's funny you mention Chrissy. I could have sworn I spotted her singing out of tune country songs on American Idol this season.

Nah. It was probably just someone equally as intelligent and as hell-bent on giving every blonde in the history of humanity a bum rap.

nongirlfriend said...

I always thought that Janet was hotter. They always played it like she wasn't. So sad.

Come and knock on our door...

You know that theme song was really talking about an orgy.

NWJR said...

"Just as Maryanne was hotter than Ginger, so is Janet hotter than Chrissy."

The Internet agrees with you. A Google search for "Joyce DeWitt nude" returns 46,300 results, while "Suzanne Sommers nude" recives a paltry 23,800.

Proof positive!

Likewise, Betty Rubble beats out Wilma Flintstone by a two-to-one margin.

Jenni said...

I can't believe you left out the "Regal Begal" which sounds remarkebly like "The Eager Beaver"...so many inferences, so little time...

Webmiztris said...

In 6th grade, I had a 'Janet' cut and everyone called me Janet! I used to love that damn show!

Buffy said...

Sorry...had to comment on the blog title...

I use to rub lightening bug butt all over my face as a kid.

Terribly inhumane perhaps. But I loved it.

It's Me, Maven... said...

And don't forget, Mrs. Roper would be doing commercials for menopause remedies and calcium supplements. And Mr. Furley would be doing Viagra commercials.

Phain said...

Ok - didn't feel *that* old until I saw "the episodes are about 25 years old." Where's my cane? I watched them all the first time around!!!

phlegmfatale said...

The Ropers were obviously swingers. Mrs. Roper - rockin' that muumuu. Gotta love it.

KB said...

I loved that show as a "younger person." ;-)

I always thought that Jack was such a dork, but I was always mad when dumbass Chrissy got in his way somehow or another.

What a blast from the past!

Juliabohemian said...

I had a similar revelation one day when I realized that Jesus' family could totally sure the Romans for wrongful death and for discrimination against Jewish people. Of course he would have gotten a great lawyer like Johhny Cochran and avoided being crucified altogether.

jules said...

So who was better....Furley or the Ropers?

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

Have to differ with you on the Maryann/Ginger - Janet/Chrissy issue. Janet just wasn't hot, and Chrissy was just annoying. Hell, they were both just pains in the asses.

Maryanne, however, was a totally cool babe.

PBS said...

That's quite an analysis! I especially like "Larry was the 1970's Donald Trump" you are so right about that and the rest of it!

Crimson said...

Great post, very interesting observations :)

The Orchestrator said...

Wow LBB, you certainly haven't lessened in the humor department since last I commented you. Just promise me you won't make a post entirely dedicated to Laverne and Shirley being totally lezzy.

Amandarama said...

John Ritter was a comedy genius. The two girls in the series...meh.

Nettie said...

Is that why they aren't on Nick at Nite anymore?

Lyvvie said...

*HappyDance*

You think Janet is hotter than Chrissy!!

Ha, take that blonde bitches of doom - Brunettes rock LBB's world.

Or is this a low maintenece thing....What did you think of the smart blonde one, you remember, the nurse. I thought she made too many grumpy faces, but it's your preference I'm curious about.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Was there EVER (before or after the show) UGLIER moo-moos than those worn by Mrs. Roper??? Good God...it's a wonder Mr. Roper wasn't blinded by all those colors!

P.S. - I miss John Ritter...I always liked the guy.

LaunderLust said...

I saw Suzanne Somers on Broadway in her one woman show, "The Blonde in the Thunderbird" and it had to be probably the worst, most self congratulatory piece of shit I have ever seen. As I was sitting there, I realized that Janet was so much hotter than Chrissy. I also realized that I needed a drink really, really badly.

Miss Sassy said...

I have a roommate that was nicknamed Chrissy Snow because she had that blank look of stupidity on all the time... I've been to her family's house and seen the name in action... the curse is that the new roomie is actually named Krissy. We are conducting an experiment as to how Snow'ed a house can be before it crumbles from dingbat occupancy.

kari said...

Ginger's mole made me want to vomit.

Painter Beach Girl said...

at least you arent watching Real World I reruns

NYCbeauty said...

I cannot DEAL with 3's Company. It's the plot. Someone thinks they know something b/c they overhear a snippet or see something out of context and then the plot goes from there. I cringe. Maybe I have no sense of humor.

Oh great One said...

The girls' bathroom is conspicuously lacking a “24-hour shower cam.” Your right, Jack musta been gay.

Becky said...

Seriously, WTF happened to nick at nite!?

It's Me, Maven... said...

Phlegmie... I betcha Mrs. Roper was going commando under those mumus... and now I've got visions of her as the pivot person in a circle jerk or gang bang with Mr. Furley, Mr. Roper, Jack, his cheesey friend what's-his-name, and Chrissie's religious father sitting on a hippity-hop retrofitted with a butt plug in the shape of Dubya.

Perhaps I've shared too much...

Riss said...

I thought Terry was the hottest of them all. I got sad when Jack played all those tricks on her and she was standing there all covered in ink or mcascara or something.

Anonymous said...

bull. jack was a womanizer, he wasn't gay.

exile said...

so you're saying sausauge was on the menu at jack's bistro?