5/18/2006

Points

  • Women: I've been wondering. Let's say you're on a date with a guy. It's Friday night. You arrived at the office early in the morning and worked hard all day. You left from the office to meet your date. The date is going well. He bought you surf and turf, a couple glasses of wine. Now it's midnight -- 18 hours after you awoke and dressed. You're wearing a Playtex 18-hour bra. My question is, do you take it off? Hey, it's been 18 hours. The manufacturer clearly states the bra is only good for 18 hours. Ignoring these instructions could be harmful or fatal. Maybe your knockers will turn into pumpkins or something. So take it off. Hurry, before something disasterous happens.
  • Guys: Here's some free dating advice. If you can swing it, make a date last until midnight. As long as she's wearing a Playtex 18-hour bra, I guaruntee you'll see some titty.
  • If animals instinctively lick their wounds, then I figure it can't be all bad to injure your genitalia in the animal kingdom.
  • In ancient Rome, soldiers and other employees were paid in salt, thus the expresion “worth one's salt.” If I were an ancient Roman, I'd open a potato chip factory. Then I'd pay my employees with a bag of chips. Cut out the middle-man.
  • Some people believe World War III will involve the Middle East and the USA. I predict it will be between feminsists and Black Entertainment Television. Have you watched BET? Whoa! Nothing but Mounds and Almond joy on that muthafucka. If you're a feminist, you need to check out BET after-hours. You'll forget all about the white, male executive who makes $20,000 more than his female counterpart. Chivalry ain't dead in the 'hood! Evidently, BET sees women as having two roles: wearing thongs and gyrating their asses for the camera. You don't have a problem with black culture. Do you?
  • Why name a baseball team the “Dodgers?” What are they dodging? The ball? The draft?
  • Once a city over-develops, they should name the newly constructed streets with cuss words. It would make navigation easier. “Fuck This Traffic Avenue.” “Dumb-ass Driver Street.” “Thirty-Miles-Per-Hour-in-the-Left-Lane-Dip-Shit-Highway.”
  • Why does the “CALORIES BURNED” meter on the treadmill climb so slowly and the TOTAL gauge on the gas pump move so quickly?

43 comments:

SugarHigh said...

Hmm, good point about the whole 18 hour bra. I can honestly say, I have never owned a bra that stated it would hold my boobies up for a pre-set time. That seems cruel and heartless. I prefer bras that while holding my boobs upright and perky pretend not to be there. i'm bra-a-phobic and refuse that whole underwire BS.
Although, I must add that if a guy keeps me out until midnight after a full work day and feeds me great food and wine, he may not see boobage but he will certainly get my head in his lap, cuz I'd be sleepin'! Tired+food+alchohal= narcoleptic.

SugarHigh said...

holy crap, was I your first comment? cool, i love being on top.

SugarHigh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
"AG" said...

I just adore your caustic charm and bawdy humor. All good points.

I don't buy bras with timers, stuffing, pumping or advanced technology. I've got a nice set, just need a little help during the day.

Carrie said...

You are just so damn funny. I can't pick just one of these points to single out because they all have me rolling. :)

shpprgrl said...

I don't think my bras have an expiration date or anything like that...I 'cross my heart'. I just 'thank goodness it fits'. (puns intended) ;)

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Boob support should never have a time limit.

NWJR said...

You'd better hope that her booty isn't being constrained by the matching 18-hour girdle, because if that baby cuts loose early, you could be in for quite a shock.

Best to get good and drunk first, just in case.

Lyvvie said...

Bah, only old ladies and small chested women wear those 18 hour doohickeys. Larger sizes need extra care, which is why I wear a bra that doubles as body armor.

However, nothing supports better than firm cupping from behind by a willing handler. Only problem is they don't last long enough. Wayward handlers.

Perhaps a lazy wayward handler invented the 18 hour bra, so he would have only 6 hours of handling....?

MG said...

have you ever considered doing stand-up?

tornwordo said...

Ooh I want to play, how about Future Blight Avenue and Another Strip Mall Boulevard.

barefoot_mistress said...

Ok you are pretty funny arentcha wise guy!? LOL....

18 hours bras are for dorks. They are white, big, no lace..ewww....never never never!

Thanks for popping by for HNT!

Elaine said...

Ooooh which clever musing of yours should I pick????

Okay, I must say my I agree with you about over developed cities. I think in California the entire 5 fwy is called "Fuck This Traffic Freeway."

Oh and the visual of feminists (lesbians) and BET (thugs and thongs) going to war made me spit my coffee out.....LOL!!

kari said...

Eighteen hour bras, as a general rule, are unattractive and meant only for the 'wearer' to see. They have rather pointy cups.

When and where do you think this shit up LBB?? Does your brain ever shut down?

Jenni said...

OH. MY. GOD. I can't even believe you wrote about the 18-hour bra...I was TOTALLY going to write about that tomorrow in my "Random Salad." Right down to the boobs turning into pumpkins thing too!

Weird.

Ok, I need to read the rest now to make sure I didn't somehow telepathically send you another one of my subjects.

Jenni said...

Nope, we're all clear. The wound and the Animal Kingdom thing is ALL YOU man...

Spinning Girl said...

I don't have one of those fancy bras, but I do have a thong that turns into a chastity belt when I have to pick up the check.

As always... Rachael said...

If you up the glasses of wine from two to, say, six... you don't have to wait until midnight to see some boobies!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Would it be sexy for you to know I have Lot's wife in the garage? Well, she has lost her shape and she is in this bag, but she is great in winter. Keeps me out of lots of trouble.

Becca said...

Fuck. I've just laughed my ass off. No, seriously. I swear. I'm going over to my blog right now to take down my HNT picture...because I no longer have an ass...I've laughed it off...

luckysevn said...

Hmmm... Any animal in my possession has never needed a crotchal wound as an excuse to lick it!!! They just lick it 'cause they can, far as I'm concerned!

D e s i g n Girl said...

Word to the wise, I have never owned an 18 hour bra and I highly doubt anything with that much support can be attractive. I thought most men wanted the under 15 minutes bra?

jules said...

"Maybe your knockers will turn into pumpkins or something." Mine consistently stay watermelon, and they 18 hour doesn't cut it most days.

Violet said...

the answer to your last comment is obvious - the slower the "calories burned" meter goes up, the more money the health clubs and treadmill manufacturers make. the faster the gas gauge goes up, the more money the big oil companies make.

it's all about the bottom line.

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

seriously, dude, ever notice the disproportionate number of hot women who clock your blog?

PBS said...

I like the street-naming idea. But white bras, euuwww! I've always wondered about the name choices of the Dodge Ram and the Dodge Dart cars!

Attila The Mom said...

Bahahaha! You guys are cracking me up. ;-)

nongirlfriend said...

We have a "Fuck This Traffic" avenue in Dallas. It's called I-35 at downtown. It's the part of my day that I hate.

keda said...

hell thats what happened to jordans tits! though she doesn't look the type for the 18hr shit. being teeny titted i'm all lace n loose. having Anything for 18hrs would turn me into a pumpkin!

its all brilliant as ever.
"get a life lane" would be my choice...

Helga von porno said...

Can't remember what the blog was about so many comments. Oh yeah, Surfing the turf cost's extra.

Frap Gurl said...

I am liking that white dude even more now that you elightened me on the state of BET after midnight.. What the hell are you doing up that late watching it? Oh, your wife doesn't wear the Platex 18 hour, does she! HAHA!

You better be laughin!

Dave Morris said...

The Dodgers play in LA - so they are dodging bullets.

Ah, I miss my hometown.

Detroiter said...

Profound thoughts, as usual. Damn, Lightning, you sure have a lot of women willing to tell you about their boobies. Does your wife read this blog?

Painter Beach Girl said...

They used to be the Brooklyn Dodgers before going to LA, and the people in Brooklyn were known as "trolley dodgers" as most trolley lines converged in the borough of brooklyn. they adopted the name informally (as they were trhe superbas, the robins and something else I think) before they made it official., but were not really known as the dodgers officially until much later. I'm a nerd. I'm from Los Angeles.

Chunks said...

If he bought Surf n Turf, not only would I take my bra off, but the panties would come off too! Mind you, I haven't dated since the eighties, in those days a guy bought you dinner and 18 hours or not, you'd be getting some.

Barry S. said...

BET is crazed. I flip past it for a nanosecond and see booties shaking.

And I think there must be a "Dumb-Ass Driver Street" in EVERY town.

Ari said...

Hey, LBB, didn't you know that if you're white you need a license to watch BET? Blogging about it probably involves some extra fee.

Ari said...

This is assuming, of course, that you are white.

Crimson said...

A timer on a bra?? Interesting. Must not have been created by a man. I'm thinking the hours would be much shorter ;)

Webmiztris said...

you know after 18 hours the damn things just stop working and suddenly your tits are at your knees!

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cookie wonton said...

The playtex 18-hour is a granny bra, man.

Gef said...

Lol that is way too close to the bone in this day and age. But hey It's not like I am complaining :)

Have a good one

Sean Cody