5/11/2006

Quick hits

  • Some people need to be seen. They go to clubs. Others need to be heard. They stay home and blog. Still others need both. They post half-naked pictures of themselves ON their blogs and then write about them.
  • Telemarketing trainers tell their employees that clients can “hear” you smile. Interesting idea. What I wonder is, when I'm talking on the cordless while taking a squeege, what can my buddy “hear?” Don't put that strained look on your face. The other person can hear it.
  • Ironic how anti-capitalist college kids blog their political tripe with $1500 I-books under their fingertips and $400 I-pods in their ears. Let me get this straight. Steve Jobs drops acid in the 1970s and sees the future colors of his I-Macs and suddenly he's above reproach for being a billionaire computer developer? If that's true, Sam Walton should have blazed up a fatty. WalMart would have a lot less headaches.
  • We men talk about are penises a lot. It makes me wonder why we don't have The Penis Monologues. “I love my penis...”
  • I bought two watermelons yesterday. It cost $6. That's $3 per melon. When did we become OK with $3 melons? Don't tell me melons are a commodity and that the price is simply a function of supply and demand. I blame Big Melons. Yeah, the executives at Big Melons are profiteering of the little guy. They've fixed the price of melons. We all need melons. We can't choose not to buy them. The Justice Department needs to investigate Big Melons. I've noticed the price of nuts and sausage going up, too.
  • Kevin Federline is the only man in America to get richer by knocking up a chick. The rest of us would be shopping for studio apartments above a bowling alley.
  • The only thing preventing me from buying the idea of intelligent design is the observation that the hairiest parts of our bodies are the ones we use to defecate, urinate and have sex. How intelligent is that?
  • There's an unusually high concentration of great bloggers from the state of Texas. I wonder if George Bush blogs. Or Ross Perot.

34 comments:

212designs said...

no the texas thing is all me ;)

NWJR said...

You're much too young to be such a cranky right-wing curmudgeon!

Chevy said...

i am definitely that person that needs to be seen and heard. but i just thought it was narcissism. i like your explaination better.
yes, texas bloggers rule. yeah i just said RULE, which is so 1994. but whatever.

mckay said...

body hair is designed to keep dirt out...think eye lashes, nostril hairs and all those other areas you mentioned. the hair filters out the dirt. kinda shmart, hmmm?

dr. mckay

KB said...

K-Fed is Brit's beotch.

Money, yes. But at the expense of being under the thumb of that woman?

It can't be worth it.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

George Bush = Great Blog

Huh? Are you nutzoid?

NeverEnough said...

You are PMSing.

tornwordo said...

Prickly we are today.

True about the hair there.

Chad said...

Well, it's about time that you recognize the genius of Texans. But most Texans consider Dubya a yankee that just happened to live in Texas for a few years. It's not the same thing as being a Texan.

Kinky Friedman has a cool blog.

212designs said...

email me and i will explain the wall,..

"AG" said...

I want to see you when I hear you. Post pics please.

Painter Beach Girl said...

Intelligent Design. HA! It amazes me what the latest controversies are and what interests people in the world at any given time and what people make a big deal about...OH MY GOD "there are few smiles on the news of Britney Spear's being pregnant again" is an exact phrase I saw as a headline the other day. WHO CARES? It isnt like she is the president.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Great. Now all I can think of is hairy privates...

*sigh*

It's going to be a VERY long day.

Shamus O'Drunkahan said...

The The Penis Monologues wouldn't work because we men love our penis', but don't want to hear stories about somebody else's penis. No effin way.

Webmiztris said...

the first one is my favorite.... HNT drives me CRAZY! I don't WANT to see other bloggers naked....REALLY!

DayByDay4-2Day said...

:)

PBS said...

Ha ha "Big Melons" always a laugh and observations to think about here. Now I'm wondering about hairy privates...

Frap Gurl said...

"Some people need to be seen. They go to clubs. Others need to be heard. They stay home and blog. Still others need both. They post half-naked pictures of themselves ON their blogs and then write about them."

Yea, HNT...flash in the pan! And seriously people their is nothing ARTISTIC about you snapping a picture of your lop-sided boobs and hairy asses!

Frap Gurl said...

Continued.. unless it is to sell a book or experiment with gif animations.. ehhhemm...
.....Will not elaborate.....

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Federline is a turd.

Nölff said...

oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz -What?! I can't hear you! - oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz -What!? -oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz - AH! this is so annoying - oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz oontz

Greta said...

well alrighty then...i shall sum me up...i need to be seen and heard....bwhahaha...i guess i am an attention whore...LMAO

Dave Morris said...

Regarding intelligent design...

If there was so much intelligence put into it, the "back door" wouldn't be so close to the "front door," because if we slip, we get cut off for weeks. Lack of breeding is negative for the species!

gusgreeper said...

ooooooooops im naked on my blog RIGHT NOW. but honestly i think it is serving a good purpose!! [im only trying to help} :)

Jenni said...

You think the Melon people are screwing us? I still have my eye on those coffee bastards.

Molicious said...

Would I be in the category of the great Texas bloggers? I should be.

Riss said...

You fricken kill me.

There was a play in the Philippines (I think) called The Penis Monologues. I once blogged about what I thought the dialogue might contain.

Like the OCD Penis:

"I don't want to go in there, it smells like dead fish!!"
"What are those bumps over there? No!! Don't put me in yet, what are those bumps over there??"
"Are you sure this has nonoxynol 9?"
"Let's go in the hole we usually go in, this one's dirty."

Or the Insecure Penis:

"Are you sure we can do this? We've had a lot of drinks."
"Does this condom make me look small? Look at me from the side."
"I heard her ex-boyfriend makes Tommy Lee look like he's been swimming."
"What if what happened last time happens again? Think about baseball. Think about baseball. Think about baseball with ugly men in the snow."

Lyvvie said...

Hey, you're the one who suggested I put my knockers up for HNT - so uhm, there ya go. Say it like it's a good thing.

First there's the vagina monologues, then the penis monologues so what's after that, the fetus monologues? "It's so warm in here.."

melons, big melons; it's just all about the melons with you!! (which is great, honestly, I'm so glad you aren't a leg man because they're freaks!)

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Lyvvie, my guess would be the Anus Monologues.

shpprgrl said...

Everything is better in Texas....

ME said...

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me

nongirlfriend said...

We just have more people, therefore, more bloggers. Not more to say, just more shit floating around on the internet.

I don't think anyone in Maui blogs, LBB. I think they just stay stoned all day. I contemplated the pros and cons of each. I'm back blogging. I don't know what that says about my research.

kissashark said...

IF I bought intelligent design then I would have to think that the proximity of the back door to the front door and the prescence of all the hair is a sense of humor in our creator (if I believed in one!) I mean how funny, that something we love to use, play with etc be where it is and covered with what it is.....

phlegmfatale said...

"We men talk about are penises a lot. It makes me wonder why we don't have The Penis Monologues. “I love my penis...” "

Well, shit, honey - you get to have a military and space program and automobile industry that are all about your penises - what more do you want?

Oh , and about us Texas bloggers? We're just a bunch of loudmouths who happen to be right most of the time.