6/23/2006

If it were a snake, I should hope it was venomous

A bit on the expression “If it were a snake it would have bitten me.”

How do you know what the snake would do? A snake has options. Maybe it would just rattle its tail. Maybe it would hold perfectly still and hope you don't see it. Or, maybe the snake would tell you that you're blocking his sunlight and to move your big ass out of the way. Then again, maybe it would slither away and think, I'm getting the fuck outta here 'cause this bitch is annoying. I wish I had hands so I could give her the finger.

In fact, unless you're a small woodland animal or a toad, the snake probably doesn't give a damn what you're looking for. Just leave the snake out of it.

38 comments:

Weary Hag said...

Hm. Makes you wonder how that expression got its start. I mean, gators are more apt to bite, or rabid dogs for that matter. You don't hear people going around saying "If it were a rabid dog, it would have bitten me."

Wonder how the snake got the bad rep in the first place?

(I have a phrase-of-the-day for yesterday: "Thank you very much, Blogger")

CP said...

You spend a lot of time in the bathroom, don't you.

You're a scary man.

I like that in a freak.

CP.

NWJR said...

Maybe it would offer you an apple.

As always... Rachael said...

In high school, I was accused of being the type of girl who would screw a snake if someone would hold it still. That was a false accusation... why on earth would I want the snake to hold still??

Peter said...

In Oz the expression is "if it had teeth it would have bitten me" snakes don't have teeth so the saying is wrong on both counts.

jules said...

I worry about you sometimes. Hell. All the time.

Raggedy said...

I don't like spiders or snakes. A snake with teeth peter? YIKES.

Have a great day!

Spinning Girl said...

Bob's your uncle.

DJ Genocyde said...

LBB,

Dude, I think you're an asshole. Furthermore, I think you're fucked up. You're the type of human being that apparently gives a fuck for no one and nothing is sacred. You, in your blogs, have displayed some of the most abhorrent blogging behavior I have ever borne witness to.

And I laughed my ass off and enjoyed every minute.

Bottom Line: You Rock...Lord Genocyde Hath spoken and you're getting a link on my cool blogs section.

P.S. Mind if I read out some of this shit on my show? I think it's fuckin hilarious

keda said...

i've never heard anyone ever say that before.

though people do often say "bite me" to me for some strange reason. does that count? and should my comback then be..

"I'm getting the fuck outta here 'cause this bitch is annoying. I wish I had hands so I could give her the finger."

but no, i could just give them the finger and bugger off. of course.

thanks.

nongirlfriend said...

Too funny!

Please, more thoughts on other sayings...

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Is that how that goes? I thought it was "If it had been a snake it COULD have bitten me."

I guess if that's the way the saying goes, you wouldn't have had a column. So it goes....

Geek said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Geek said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Latigo Flint said...

(Please tell me you didn't watch Grease this weekend.)

Blonde Vigilante said...

I think the snake should stay. As long as it's a trouser snake.

Barry S. said...

I love crazy sayings like this one...I have a bunch of good country sayings, too, since I'm a bumpkin from way back.

Barry S. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
exile said...

well it's anything like my snake (Herb, not the trouser one) he's mostlikely just lay and eventually be stepped on without moving an inch to strike.

but i think herb is the exception to the rule. after years of being a stoner he's lost all preditory instinct.

mckay said...

i'm afraid to think of what you'd do with the phrase "snake in the grass".

mck.

mcBlogger said...

I thought it was "If it was a bear, it would bit my head off" At least that's what I've heard plenty in my part of the world.

Dave Morris said...

If it were a mosquito it would have bit you. Now THAT makes sense, those MFs never waste an opportunity.

shutterbugger said...

I hates them sneaky snakes.
Fuggers.

Danke Shane said...

Thank God someone is finally standing up for the snakes! They get a bad rap..that's all I'm sayin..

Elaine said...

snakes are hot. But it can't be too big or too thick.. I mean, long with no girth sucks and large with no length equally suc...

What?

OH...you mean an ACTUAL snake.

my bad.

Carrie said...

Great. Next time someone uses that saying I'm going to remember this and start laughing and they're going to think I'm insane. :) How right you are though... :)

Webmiztris said...

lol - good call, bugs! After analyzing all of those old sayings, you realize, "wow. that is REALLY GAY."

Molicious said...

I keep having dreams about snakes. Like every night for the last week. It's really freaking me out.

Lyvvie said...

All this talk of snakes is makes me feel all Fruedian....hee hee, Snakes.

Riss said...

And maybe it's a wussy snake and would just pose threateningly and say "You're like my snake homies ain't here with me, punkass."

Becky said...

Exactly, What the fuck did the snake ever do to you!?

Chris said...

I don't know what the snake would do, but I can tell you what I'd do. I'd get my ass out of there however I had to.

Avatar said...

I can say from experience that if it was a tarantula, it would've shit in my hand.

phlegmfatale said...

or maybe the snake would urge you to eat an apple.

nettie said...

I should use that on my boss.
Then again, maybe not.

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work Subaru loyale rotor removal Acura integra type r crash Sam endicott soccer am buy cheap fluoxetine

Anonymous said...

Best regards from NY! nebraska football England instant term life insurance quotes tire erable Order tadalafil discount prescription Service tire monitor Tanning bed water shower Suzuki eyewear Pendelton shirts for men Mac compatible barcode scanner hiking Using my vibrator 93 body eclipse kit Allister twister gate openers Anti religious t shirt Master in finance merchant account isuzu rodeo Under18 sex Video conferencing standards

Anonymous said...

What a great site Downloading pictures from digital camera to desktop buy adipex Hashimoto hair loss accutane Compare zoloft and lexapro designer handbags Modafinil and weight loss