7/03/2006

Crumbs

  • It's ironic how “hygienic” means being toxic to most other visiting life forms -- like parasites and microorganisms and such.
  • Adolf Hitler named his autobiography Mein Kampf, or "My Struggle." His struggle? I think it was the rest of the world who struggled against that douchebag. He should have named his book My Chutzpah.
  • Michael Jordan once told a reporter that he laces up a brand new pair of Nike shoes every day. Every day he treats himself to a new (free!) pair of Nikes. I think Bill Gates should do that with his computers. Every day he boots up a brand new PC and uses it until Windows freezes. Then, he tosses the box down a flight of stairs or out a window and fires up a new one.
  • I'm taking delight in recent news that Starbucks is the latest target of the Fattening Food Police. Those coffee house dorks will now feel wrath of the monster they helped create.
  • In the workplace, bagels are hoarded and accountability is squandered with equal zeal.
  • I prefer a double entendre to an equivocality, but my favorite is a nice innuendo.
  • I've found a new mantra to help calm me while driving in traffic: “I've got comprehensive insurance and an air bag, so bring it on, mother fucker.”
  • If there's really a sucker born every minute, why are blow jobs so hard to find?
  • I don't know whether to kick my diet soda habit or to be thankful I have such an inexpensive vice.
  • My boss was complaining that I'm an incurious worker who never asks questions in our meetings. So in our meeting the other day I asked management a question: “What's a six-letter word for subatomic particle?” Those People crosswords are tough!
  • The enduring themes of rap music are, 1) one's sexual prowess, 2) one's propensity to trifle with firearms and 3) one's contempt for Anglo-European culture. Does this mean that every rapper deep down inside is writing about David Hasselhoff?

51 comments:

Peter said...

“I've got comprehensive insurance and an air bag, so bring it on, mother fucker.”
Love the attitude Bugs.

tornwordo said...

I love the first one and also your driving mantra.

You don't seem like the listening-to-rap-music type.

Barry S. said...

Yeah, that Starbucks place is so hoity toity...and Bill Gates wouldn't have to wait too long to see Windows freeze up, that's fo sho.

jules said...

Brilliant as always, Bugsy.

Spinning Girl said...

A bold rodomont goes well with veal.

Oh great One said...

My vice isn't so inexpensive it's Starbucks!!! ;)

Edgy Mama said...

Beware, I'm a member of the FFP.

MKD said...

Don't Hassle the Hoff. He's the new Chuck Norris.

Redneck Nerdboy! said...

"If there's really a sucker born every minute, why are blow jobs so hard to find?"

I laughed my butt off at this one until I realized how true it was. Damn!

frozen ananas said...

quark? meson? boson? no, only 5 letters... urg, i'm going to be losing sleep over this tonight!!! damn people magazine!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Innuendo, too, Bud.

Softball Slut said...

If there's really a sucker born every minute, why are blow jobs so hard to find?

HAHHAHAHAHAH
I guess I am a sucker

Webmiztris said...

diet soda, eh? that's a rough one. good luck getting THAT monkey off your back. ;)

Scottsdale Girl said...

I've found a new mantra to help calm me while driving in traffic: “I've got comprehensive insurance and an air bag, so bring it on, mother fucker.”

That one is one I will be thinking of and laughing during my next Wheel of Death Spin on the AZ freeway system.

Danke Shane said...

Wow. I needed the mantra while braving the wilds of I-75 in Atlanta last weekend.

nettie said...

What's chutzpah?

Raggedy said...

Great post! Have a wonderful 4th!
*^_^
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one
*

Sage said...

Chutzpah is guts.

Hitler who like all sane (I think I may be) people believe had an extremely hard upbringing, hence the book title.

Now why the name BLOW JOB, I'd bite the Clit of a woman who took my member and just blew in it like a balloon.........

Mom of Three said...

Proton.

flea said...

luv that insurance mantra i think i'm going to incorporate that into my driving "state" of mind ~ it's a keeper

Toni said...

Starbucks is hoity toity? Since when?

NeverEnough said...

Be grateful your only vice is diet soda. And crosswords.

Sudiegirl said...

Man...I dig your traffic mantra too - here on the Beltway, you need it.

Also, the last entry on the list was good...and I can't think about David Hasselhoff anymore without thinking of him in "Dodgeball".

I do plan to buy your book at Lulu in the future, once other things sort themselves out.

Thanks for bloggin', man - you ROCK!!!

Miss Cow is a Cow said...

I like this one the best:
“I've got comprehensive insurance and an air bag, so bring it on, mother fucker.”

That totally rocks!

NWJR said...

"...my favorite is a nice innuendo."

I've long suspected that...

Blonde Vigilante said...

Damn, it feels good to be a ganster.

Trying2BMe said...

I laughed my butt off with this list of things. You are awesome and I love your blog.

My favorite is the "blow job" line... and I'm a woman, so go figure that one out.

The runner up is the airbag thing... I drive the wonderful Atlanta traffic everyday that Shane mentioned earlier.

Carrie said...

That is the best mantra I've ever heard. :)

Violet said...

why is it that employers want workers to be inquisitive but only about things that affect them? isn't that rather egocentric? i mean, my life does not revolve around their menial happenings.

Weary Hag said...

Funny thing ... I've never been accused of being an incurious anything. In fact, some people have all but offered me money to shut the fuck up.

Weary Hag said...

And by the way ... when they did? It didn't work.

Molicious said...

“I've got comprehensive insurance and an air bag, so bring it on, mother fucker.”

-- I hope your insurance agent doesn't read your blog.

CP said...

I suck.

That's all I have to say.

CP.

exile said...

man, i hate when someone beats me to the proton

oh, and regarding the sucker's born every min, i agree completely. it's like the girls who tell you "i was a slut in highschool" where the hell are these people?

Bennet said...

Very funny Bug

I suppose "slappin ya bitch" falls into sexual prowess.

Learn something new every day...

Ari said...

1. I always think "chutzpah" sounds like a sneeze.

2. Michael Jordan is dumb. The most comfortable shoes are ones you've broke in, like making a riding horse from a formerly raging bronco.

3. I think I will print that bagel/accountability maxim up and start tacking it to office bulletin boards all over town.

4. You do ask questions, you just save the questions for us, the meetings of the LBB fan club. :)

Jenni said...

I have comprehensive insurance, an airbag, and a strong propensity to piss off everyone who pisses me off.

Fuckers.

Merle said...

Hi Bugs ~~ Great list there ~~Does
Michael Jordan really use a new pair of
Nikes everyday. I guess as they are free
I tink you are safe with your Diet soda.
Thanks for your comment.Take care, Merle.

nice ass picture said...

When searching for http://www.assoholics.com, your site appeared in the listings. But this site is not exactly what I was in need of information wise about nice ass picture. So that being said. :) Have a great day. I am off to continue my search.

Junebugg said...

You've done it again. I love your lists

Danke Shane said...

Now how the hell can I get MY site to show up on "assoholics"? Well done, LBB! Well done...

Elaine said...

Hilarious + Brilliant = Hilliant or Brillarious.

either way, you're both! ;D

Bug said...

That list is great! *chuckle* Stumbled on your blog from over at Beauty and the Beer and I'm glad I did :o) Nice to see a fellow AZ blogger!

randommoments said...

I'm going to start a cult of suckers so you guys will quit your blog job jokes.

We are real. We are out there.

exile said...

oh, btw, i linked you on my wandering sidebar, hope that's cool.

brooksba said...

Fun list! I liked it.

Thanks for the comment. I'm going to have to keep checking out your site. It is fun.

It's Me, Maven... said...

What what did I miss? Who designated it, "Post A Week's Worth of Posts in one Shot Week?"

J/K!

Absolutely loved the 10 Unsafe Ways to Stay Fit!! Would be a hoot if everyone used that as a meme and posted their results, too!

1. Jumping Jacks on a Waterbed
2. Kickboxing with Golf cleats on
3. Pin the tail on the donkey, using a real donkey
4. Synchonized swimming in a shark tank
5. Kegels with a tampon full of rusty razor blades
6. Sit ups on a bed of nails
7. Waterskiing attached to a speedboat in an offshore grand prix
8. Speed masturbating with napalm for lube and smoking a cig
9. Base jumping off a ranch house
10. Squat thrusting in a poison ivy patch or cactus garden

Dave Morris said...

I'm still pondering the sucker/BJ thing. Can I get back to you on that one?

Riss said...

Your "crap" is better than most of the things other people put on their blogs.

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