8/29/2006

A few more random thoughts while I sift through the beliefs

  • You can always spot the vampires in the clinical laboratories. They're the ones always asking you whether they can “lick the beaters.” It's a centrifuge, Count, not an electric mixer.
  • Here's something creepy. I was showering at my gym after a soak in the spa. That's not the creepy part. Hold on. The spa and shower area is contained and has only one entrance/exit. I am certain I was alone. Working myself into a lather, I saw a middle-aged black man enter the area from the locker room. He briefly showered and then descended into the spa. Several minutes passed, during which time nobody entered or exited the sauna/shower area. I continued showering. I suddenly saw a pot-bellied, naked white man rise from and and exit the spa. A black man gets in. A white man leaves. The explanation is simple. This was not a heat-induced hallucination. I showered with one of the X-men: a shape-shifter to be exact. But not that hot, blue lady with the “blueberry muffins.” I got the pot-bellied dude. It figures.
  • I plan to spend my future dwelling on the past. This makes me a live-in-the-moment kind of guy.
  • I just bought a new car. When I start the car the headlights turn on automatically. But when I open the doors at night, the dome light doesn't work! It remains pitch black in the car. The headlamps work in the daytime. The dome light doesn't work at night. I'll have to read the instructions to learn how to get the dome light to turn on. This world is making less and less sense to me.
  • Here's a great billboard for Apple Computers: “If you'd worked on a Mac today, you'd be home by now.”
  • Anybody who claims the world is going to hell must not be old enough to remember when you had to pull over and pop a quarter into a pay-phone to make a call, or when you had to fast-forward through a cassette to find your favorite song on your Walkman.
  • We spent the 1980s undoing the 1970s. For example, we undid bell-bottoms by “pegging” our jeans, a practice in which you fold and roll the bottoms of both pant legs so that they tapered to either ankle. I'm glad we finally made peace with the 70s -- and with bell-bottoms -- because pegging your jeans was pretty gay. We also got those crazy 1970's hairdos under control, though not without a few bumpy detours. A Flock of Seagulls didn't do us any favors -- unless you owned stock in Aqua Net.

44 comments:

Jordan said...

I just bought a car too.. same thing! Lights on during the day.. dome light off at night. Finally I had to flick the dome switch ON the dome light that said "ON, door"... wella, now I have dome lights at night. :-)

jules said...

Sorry you didn't get the hot blue chick.

Bryan Peters said...

It's like the 80's hairdo's (overly coiffed) were the exact opposite of the 70's "hippie hair" (who cares about hair when we're at war!)

Mr. Friendly said...

What about making peace with the eighties? Things from the me decade making a comeback:
izod shirts, raise shirt collars, and hairbands. All sorts of moron markers...

Remember, you heard it here first.

Rocky Mountain Rat Girl said...

Having to FF on our Walmans, and "pegging" our jeans??!! What a blast from my past. OMG, too freakin' funny!

Hope you get your dome light / headlamps worked out. hee hee

Another great post, as usual! Thank you for that...

Miss Cellania said...

I'm a dinosaur. I still have a cassette player in the car, no CD, no Walkman, no iPod. And nobody wanting to steal them, either!

NWJR said...

I had the same problem with my dome light. And as I was bitching up a storm about it one night in my driveway, my son--the one with Autism--silently crawls over from the back seat, and without a single word, pushes the "dome override" button on the dashboard.

*Poof*--now everything works.

How the hell he knew to do that is beyond me. That's how I know he's smarter than me, and I've never underestimated him since.

Violet said...

I once knew somebody who had a motorcycle accident without wearing a helmet. The AquaNet saved his life. He now does public speaking stints touting the many benefits of hairspraying your hair into the density of concrete.

Softball Slut said...

I pegged my jeans in 7th grade. Wow I was awesome. Always had the hippie hair though. Couldnt figure out how to tease my bangs so I just played it cool and said I wanted my hair long and unshapely. I just think it was my huge boobs that had the guys running after me.

Softball Slut said...
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mcBlogger said...

When technology gets complicated, it's a sign of age.

jali said...

Nay. Nay I say...I recall no one I knew personally ever pegging their jeans. Hmmmm.

I wore my hair relaxed in a "DA" in the 80's. Ugh!

I wore the ugliest magenta lipstick and blush - I thought I was Jody Watley Junior or sumptin'.

Good post dude!

MIA said...

In the past few weeks a month to be exact, I became an apple poster girl. 2 video ipods 1 for me one for my daughter, an extra power charger for them, a bose docking station, the thing that goes in your car to play the ipod through the radio. 200 bucks on I tunes and the macbook I'm using now. Irony, barely can use a computer, never cared about ipods. I'm so hooked that they greet me at the local Apple store. My poster should say: If you knew bout apple, you would have been broke by now.
Did you know the peg straights are coming back?

MIA said...
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MIA said...
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Scottsdale Girl said...

Or...wait until the song you wanted to hear came on the AM radio so you could hit record on your cassette player...

Yeah I am that old.

Dave Morris said...

They still make aqua net? And to think I've resorted to spreading Elmer's glue on my comb.

C said...

Or Knox gelatin. Try washing that out of your hair. My sister would use it to put up her red mohawk.

Webmiztris said...

omg, that takes me back - thinking about 'pegging' jeans. actually back then I didn't even know that's what it was called - I just knew that if you didn't do it, you looked like a dork (when in reality the exact opposite was the case!)

Amandarama said...

I kinda liked pegging my jeans.

It's my secret shame.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You start reading instructions for a new car and you will be lost at sea. Forget the dome light. (But if you must know, I think it's on page 618.)

Mom of Three said...

What? You had a Walkman?

Spoiled.

My mom bought me a console stereo with turntable and 8-track at an estate sale in Leisure World for $50. I got my tapes through Columbia House and if I wanted to listen to "Turn to Stone" by ELO over and over, I had to click to the right track and just wait!

I pegged my jeans in 7th and 8th grade.

I had wings on my hair.

God, I am getting old.

tornwordo said...

You should send that idea to Mac. I bet they'd buy it. (they would never steal it, right?)

mist1 said...

Pegging? It's called pegging? Tell me that you made that up.

Great post.

Edgy Mama said...

Maybe the X-Men dude was just really dirty?

Nölff said...

I want to go to the mall and cut these kid's bangs and pull their britches up. They've defeated the purpose of belts.

My car lights stay on during they day. They shut off when I leave the car. It's amazing how many people flash their lights at me trying to let me know my lights are on.

The Stiltwalker said...

LMAO @ shape shifters.

Dr. Zombie said...

I live in Ohio. We STILL have people who peg their jeans.

God I hate the Midwest...

Jordan said...

dr. zombie.. one reason I moved OUT of Ohio and to NY!

CaCaBoy said...

Dippity Doo! Works much better for those 80's extreme hair choices!

Shoshana said...

I was one of those peggers. I love it! I was around 12 when that happened.

I am glad to not have to do that though.

My mother's still convince that if I used too much aqua-net, worms will start living in my brain.

I must have escape the worm curse, or how else would I get my honors in school...though come to think of it...the worms might be the ones giving that high grades...hmmm.

frozen ananas said...

you should warn your gym about the chlorine levels in the spa.

better yet, get michael jackson to sign up for membership. he can get an instant bleach while enjoying the spa.

Spinning Girl said...

I once had a dome light problem that was solved by flipping a switch. Who knew?!

Bennet said...

I remember my old 95 T-Bird had time delayed shut off headlights mistakenly set too long.....

I went to a local fair and some guy ran 3 blocks to catch up with me to make me aware of my head lights still being on...
He was out of breath. He panted and caught my attention. He then puked, then finally gasped for air to tell me my headlights were still on....I so wished I'd had a camera to capture the true essence of his reaction when I told him they shut off automatically.

jali said...

I'm all excited!

That door that won't stay open will no longer be a problem at my house!

I'm getting a "Fireflies" of my own. The shipping is a lot cheaper folks if you go to USPS regular instead of the UPS ground default setting. Just saying.

Can't wait - maybe someday I'll get an autograph to go with the book.

Sherri said...

I admit it. I had the 80's rocker hair. I sometimes have nightmares about the smell of Aqua Net and wake up screaming "don't get the lighter too close, I'll go up in flames!"

Becky said...

Lucky bastard, not everyone gets to shower with an x-men!

Blonde Vigilante said...

Um, you're a man...why are you taking that long of a shower?

Blonde Vigilante said...
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erika said...

LOL I think I might still have a walkman laying around somewhere.

nettie said...

The first two- ew. Just ew. And you don't usually gross me out.

Eddo said...

Great. As usual. And blueberry muffins. Classick. I'll have to remember that one.

Eddo of Posted Note (I'm redundant like that)

Riss said...

You're so right. The world SUCKED when you had to fast forward the tape to find the beginning of "You Give Love A Bad Name."

Gregor said...

I'm gonna have to buy that book of yours. I enjoy your wit too much.