Mark Twain ain't got shit on me

It's Here!
Fireflies in the Meadow
by Alpha Johnson

Now you can read Lightning Bug's Butt anywhere. This book has over 120 pages of easy-to-read print, featuring a year's worth of Lighting Bug's Butt posts and some never-before published material.

If you like what you read, you can take this book to bed with you (try doing that with your laptop!). If you hate it, you have a book to fling across the room (again, try that with your laptop). Or you can rip out the satin-smooth pages and use them for bathroom tissue.

Give a copy as a gift to someone special. Stuff one under the leg of a wobbly coffee table. Keep one near the crapper. Wield it to kill household insects. Or kindle your fireplace. Hand one into your professor as your doctoral thesis. Read it with your lover as a therapeutic sex aide. Make it the religious text of the new cult you're founding. Get it for whatever reason you please. Just get your copy today!


kari said...

Congrats! Pretty exciting stuff LBB. How'd you manage that?

Aisha T. said...

Congrats on the book! If I fling it at someone, can they sue you for the action?

Lilly said...

I HAD to come visit your blog.
With a name like lightning bug butt, how could anyone resist? ha!


Carrie said...

Alright already, I got it! :)

See how this works, you compliment my pictures, I buy your book. :) hee-hee

Congratulations! So are you saying that your inspiration is lots of whiskey? That makes a lot of sense. :)

Laurie said...

Hey...WAY TO GO!

Now, finish that bottle, pronto!!!

Danke Shane said...

I'm making out an underlying message here..can't quite put my finger on it. Hey! I think I need a book of LBB posts and some never-before published material! Huh. Wonder where that came from? Ah well..off to see if I can scrounge up enough to get a copy...

Memphis Steve said...

Cool! I wonder if I could publish any of my material? Hmm, purusing my blog I don't see anything worth publishing. Although this one time a guy wanted me to write a scene for a movie he was doing involving someone I wrote about, but that didn't pan out. I think maybe he was a faker.

mckay said...

you know, i've never seen a lightening bug (except for the ones in the pirates of the Caribbean, but those don't really count).

congrats, mr. author.

NWJR said...

Smooth paper makes shitty toilet tissue. In our house, we use the rough stuff. Nothing sticks to that shiny crap.

Peter said...

Great news Bugs, but if I buy from Lulu, (who have a VERY slow website) do I get a signed copy, which will escalate rapidly in value due to the authors huge.... errr well large anyway... popularity.

Ego's Alter said...

Wow! Congrats! VERY cool!

Violet said...

if i buy a copy of your book, does that mean you'll buy a copy of mine? (if you agree, it will be many years before you have to hold up your end of the bargain...)

also, i'm with peter - if i buy one, i think i'd need it autographed...

jules said...

Sounds good...I can use it for bedtime reading? I don't think the f/b would like it if I was laughing my ass off while I'm supposed to be with him...he might take it personally.

Leesa said...

Very cool.. will have to check it out ;)

Snooze said...

That's amazing! Good for you.

Heidi the Hick said...


I'm gonna buy it. I am. Seriously. I never take my laptop to bed with me.

Give me a few weeks to pay down my credit card and that books gonna be in my hot little hands!!!!

Heidi the Hick said...

oh- is your handsome mug in the book?

Makes no difference. Still gonna buy it.

Elaine said...

Schweetness! I'm sold! :D

tornwordo said...

Good luck on the book endeavor LBB. I wish great success for you. The title seems so tame for what I'm sure is inside.

Scottsdale Girl said...

The Prince just walked in and asked why I was licking the screen...HAWT! You look NOTHING like a bug's ass dude.

Congrats on the book bug.

jadedprimadonna said...

Awesome, LBB! Can't think of anyone more deserving. I will definitely get a copy.

Softball Slut said...

Do I get an autographed copy? How many books did you publish? How many have you sold so far? How long is the book?

Beth said...

What would happen if I bought all the available copies?

NeverEnough said...

Oh God I can't wait!! This is so great. Thanks!

And, like Softball Slut said, how do we get an autographed copy?

Miss Understanding said...

Sounds like a good read, I love your rants they always keep me laughin.

And oh MY GOD, you are just too tasty for words! I really tried to come up with a few, but...

Fathairybastard said...

Ok, these slobbering females are nauseating the hell out of me...

lucky bastard.

nongirlfriend said...

Honey, I bought it and this time, I didn't buy the download version. I lost that when I changed computers.

Looking forward to it.

nongirlfriend said...

P.S. You're pretty cute. Kinda remind me of a pre-alcoholic Raymond Carver.

That's a good thing.

Janet said...

Ok, you have to tell me how you did that. Seriously. I'm like a little kid over here. Daddy, I want one, too!

Kelvin said...

Hello from a blogger downunder in New Zealand. I ahve come in the backdoor, via "Peter's" house !!! It is the first time I have seen someone actually get a book printed
from the posts on their blog. I have sorted of started a book.....still aways to go. Been blogging 15 months today (13th) and have 16 blogs.

Fathairybastard said...

16 BLOGS! Jeeze, is that a record?

shpprgrl said...

How cool.

I use books for smashing lizards that venture into my house. But I would never use yours for that.

Webmiztris said...

that is so cool! did you just decide one day you wanted to make your blog into a book, or did someone approach you and suggest it?

Bougie Black Boy said...

good to see a fellow independently published author. I wish you much success. It's been a great learning experience for me too. I look forward to reading a copy.

Edgy Mama said...

Will you share the Beam, please?

A-hole! said...


Fathairybastard said...

You know, Leaves of Grass was self published. So, based on his example, I'd say your gonna be famous as hell and make an ass load of money, about 60 years after you die. Good show.

Becky said...

Awesome, Congratulations!

mcBlogger said...

You totally rock. I've passed a link on to friends for your blog. Now I can actually buy it. That's cool! Christmas list just got a wee bit easier this year. hehe

Sass said...

Pure haughtness

Smartypants said...

Well, you know I love the fireflies.

= )

Laurie said...

email me....


About the Sahuaro thing.


Oh..I'm buying a copy!!!

Softball Slut said...

I posted a link on my site to both your page and your book's page. Hope people buy it!

JJ said...

But is the book big enuf to really make a dent if I...say, throw it AT someone? lol

Ditto what Sass said.

Greta said...

that's cool....oh yeah and by the way...you such a hottie!! hehehee

Dave Morris said...

I'm so goddamn proud of you I could just ... um, be proud!

Are the pages two-ply?

Dude, congratulations. You totally deserve this.

Mr. Friendly said...

How many women comment here?

Who the hell said blogging was sexy?
Behind the curve again.

flea said...

sweet! CONGRATS!

i'll take 10...no make that 20!

pps ~ you are a total hottie! grrr baby grrrrr!!! :P

Dave Morris said...

PS - I extolled the virtues of your accomplishment on my blog today, so you can harness the power of the additional 8 exposures per day.

Lee Ann said...

Wow, that is awesome! Congratulations!
Thanks for stopping over at my place. I wish you continued success.

Billy said...

Congratulations to one of the funniest guys I don't know.

I'll be picking up a copy fer sure.

jali said...

I'll get one too! Hooray!

Oh - BTW - you are gorgeous, dude! Especially with that empty shot glass in your hand... you look... ah... persuadable. (jali imagining stuff)

Book tour? I would love an autographed copy. (jali talk for will you be stalkable in the near future?)

Seriously: congrats!!!!!

Molicious said...

Damn you are one sexy mofo.

This one better be as good as the last one. I really enjoyed the last one.

Again, you're too pretty. ;o)

Anonymous said...

Chicks love a guy who is literate and witty

Oh great One said...

I keep meaning to buy the other book for CCB and now you have a new one! I'm behind now! I looked for the other but didn't see it, is it still available?

Barry S. said...

Congrats, fellow author. I'll pass it on to friends I know.

Maybe we should swap copies. I'll sign one for you and vice versa.

Same conditions apply if you don't like my book - it makes a great flyswatter.

Heather said...

I know a lot of women are commenting on how good you look but, as for myself, I preferred the way you promoted the last book--in the buff. I refuse to buy another book until I get my way. ;-)

Seriously, I love reading your stuff, Lbb. You are very talented.

Greg - Cowboy in the Jungle said...

You need beter taste in Whiskey. As a published Author you shant drink that tinged water. It is no better than Snail-Piss.

Go get yourself a bottle of Gentleman Jack. More expensive? Yes. Worth every penny? Certainly. Made for an estute man of the world such as yourself? 110%.

Now dont let me see you drinking that mosquito infested pond sludge on here again.

Blonde Vigilante said...

You're such a drunk.

Anonymous said...

Good job, baby.

Listen I'll pick up a copy just as soon as I can locate the dollars needed as a tradeoff. (checks ass in mirror - nope, won't get 'em that way!)

Wish me luck.

HRW *wink wink*

Crashdummie said...

Congrats mate!
Just wondering whom you had to sell your soul too to get it published ;)

Rocky Mountain Rat Girl said...

OK, so I FINALLY just bought your book! I'll wait patiently for its arrival...

As other folks seem to have mentioned / asked... how do I get it signed by you, Mr. LBB??

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